June x 2

Random.

2011-02-15T14:58:00.001+08:00

Everything is FREE!

2010-10-11T14:58:00.002+08:00

At the Really Really Free Market in Singapore with Amirah.

Ja genau.

2010-10-01T12:31:00.007+08:00

Ok sorry I've been missing in action for so long. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I've been trapped in multiple whirlwinds (imagine a Venn diagram with 5 whirlwinds with one overlapping area - and that overlapping area would be me). I am still stuck but perhaps writing this blog post may help. Or it may not. At any rate it will do me good to purge some of the content in my head, except the unpurgeable parts, of which I blame the fact that this is a public blog with the public reading, and trying to protect it is like trying to hold an invisible fort with invisible walls. (The fort also has an invisible moat and super-range cannons and dragons that will pwn your horse-riding sword-wielding armour-clad mom. It is an awesome fort.)

Research.
So anyway. Confirmation defense is over and I passed it under dubious conditions that my examiners refuse to have to go through my report again. So right now I am dealing with the aftermath of sifting through the debris that is my theoretical framework and hopefully build something that will withstand the test of time and unsympathetic examiners, who keep huffing and puffing at my straw house, damn them.

Travelling.
I am going to Hong Kong in November for a PhD Symposium, and I've been tasked with arranging the logistics for everyone (8 people). That's what you get for having a reputation as a travel junkie.

I'm also working on a research attachment in University of Leipzig, Germany, for next March. The research attachment preparation is a mountainload of paperwork and money. I have also enrolled myself into a German language course so that I will be able to construct a sentence without saying Germany Must Die Or We Can't Live, constipation, or Mitfahrgelegenheit. I am excited but also deathly afraid. German people are stern (but fair) and blond and wear Jack Wolfskin-branded lederhosen. I will never be able to fit in and they will eat me alive.

Work.
TA duties. Readings for audited class on qualitative research methodology. Assignment for said class. Preparing a paper for a conference.

Staying alive.
Not sleeping enough or eating healthy and am torturing my body with various strenuous activities such as dragonboating and running and (the thought of) kickboxing. Occasionally uke-ing.

Censored.
Censored censored censored censored. Censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored, censored censored, censored censored censored censored censored. Censored. Censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored.

Newsflash. The word "censored" has been exhausted and has ceased to be a word. Attention to word-constructors out there: we will need something new and more powerful, a word that is able to not only stifle freedom of speech but also pwn your mom on the side.

Word that is able to not only stifle freedom of speech but also pwn your mom on the side.
Word that is able to not only stifle freedom of speech but also pwn your mom on the side. To the power of x till it implodes and destroys human language as we know it, so that homo sapiens beyond this generation will have to dance like honeybees to communicate. They will be so busy dancing that they will have no time for war or mass consumption or obesity.

You have a good day too.

The Universe Tries To Pick Me Up.

2010-09-21T08:42:00.005+08:00

By giving me an email I was waiting for, lovely gifts in the post from Asa and Robert, and a bus driver who waited.

Maybe everything will be alright again. Soon. Haraplah.

Hiatus.

2010-09-14T11:13:00.001+08:00

Have some unresolved issues hence shall suspend blogging for the time being.

Hope to be back soon.

At the gym.

2010-09-08T10:31:00.006+08:00

So this morning I went to the gym, just like my song said I would. And I had the stupidest accident of all gym accidents: The Classic Slip On The Treadmill where I slipped, crashed on the runway and got thrown back like a rag doll. You know that one.

What happened was, I thought I had finally figured out a way to combat gym boredom - I'd listen to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy audiobooks! So that was what I did. And of course the inevitable happened. I was chuckling at some jokes (really, Douglas Adams can be very funny) when I lost my footing and performed a perfect rendition of The Classic Slip On The Treadmill.

I sat on the floor with a hurt left knee and a scraped right shin, waiting to catch my breath and to get the green light from my legs that they were ready to support my weight again. The treadmill was still running. And you know what happened?

Nothing. Nothing happened. There was 10-15 people in the gym, and they acted like nothing had happened. For the 30 seconds that I sat there, panting and massaging my knee, nobody came up to me to ask if I was okay, or if I needed help. They continued running, lifting weights, admiring themselves in the mirror, etc. It was like I was invisible, and the racket that I made slamming my body weight on the machine and then the ground was in a vacuum and therefore silent.

30 seconds later, I picked myself up, put myself on the treadmill again, and ran another 10 minutes in defiance to the mass apathy of my gymming counterparts.

I am regretting that 10 minutes now. My knee hurts and I have to hobble around. Hopefully it will be alright after some rest. But seriously, people? What does it take to just stop what you're doing for 10 seconds, walk up to a person who looks like she's hurt, and see if she's alright? I mean, I would do it without a thought.

Or maybe I'm just more invisible than I thought I was.

Early in the morning

2010-09-08T00:42:00.004+08:00

I'm going to the gym tomorrow, the gym tomorrow, the gym tomorrow
I'm going to the gym tomorrow, early in the morning~

I'm going back to KL soon, to KL soon, to KL soon,
I'm going back to KL soon, early Thursday morning~

Here is the way I treat insomnia, treat insomnia, treat insomnia
Here is the way I treat insomnia, early in the morning~

I change the words in kiddy songs, in kiddy songs, in kiddy songs
I change the words in kiddy songs, early in the morning~

*sang to the tune of Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush*

Three views of the Eiffel Tower

2010-09-07T21:44:00.003+08:00

I personally like the last one best.

Procrastinator.

2010-09-05T20:04:00.005+08:00

I have a paper due tomorrow but am in no mood at all to write, I sort of need to talk to someone but there is no one, so I am blogging.

I am also watching a travel documentary (Passage to Malaysia) on Sabah, on TLC, formerly Discovery Travel and Living Channel. I have this sudden urge to go there, but of course given my financial situation it is hardly wise (or possible, for that matter). I miss the jungles. I miss the humidity, the symphony of jungle sounds, and even the leeches. OK maybe not so much of the leeches. But the coming Thursday I am going home, and my mum's organizing a waterfall trip on Friday, so I'm looking forward to that. It isn't Sabah, but it will be in the jungle.

Ah the Probiscis monkeys appear on TV. The Probiscis monkeys can have erections that last for 24 hours, a piece of jungle trivia for you. Somewhere along the way their human cousins lost that ability and had to invent Viagra.

I think after all the European cities and landscape I'm really hankering for some tropical beaches and jungles. And I miss Malaysia. It's not even the food, like Zewt might suggest with his typical cynicism. It's just this vibe that stirs something inside of me, once I cross the Causeway I feel warm and instantly relaxed, and I know that I am in a good place. Sure, bad things are happening back home, but bad things happen everywhere. It's just that when bad things happen at home, it hurts more. And at this point I am worried about the world more than anything else, petty politics and racist people seem miniscule compared to the loss of 5,000 species yearly, rising sea levels, melting permafrost, etc. The whole world is driving towards a huge metaphorical concrete wall that will kill us all, and all we can do is squabble about insignificant matters.

But whenever I talk about issues like these I get depressed. I should go. Have a long night of writing and insomnia waiting ahead of me so I should get started.

Friday night ramblings

2010-09-03T23:30:00.004+08:00

It's a lazy Friday night, one of those when you have tons of work to do but don't, and blog instead. I am sprawled on the bed typing with pink fingertips. A good and appropriate question to ask at this juncture is - why pink fingertips? (A lesser question-asker would ask, "why fingertips?") Well the answer is that I just spent the last hour and a half practising the ukulele while watching TV, so my fingertips on the left hand are a little sore from all the string pressing. I know, you're curious how one can practise the ukulele while watching TV. Enough questions for one day.

I just realized how lucky I am to have grown up with music education. I mean, the note-reading is basically drilled into my brain, although I haven't played a piece in ten years, I instinctively hum to the sheet music and am able to hear the music in my head. It's like knowing a language, that you can read and write and think in. And I keep rediscovering stuff that I had long forgotten, such as names of everything (like, er, triad), and it's really fun to suddenly remember the knowledge that you didn't know you knew. Also, as a result, I have been able to save myself S$200 on ukulele lessons (just because my parents spent thousands on me as a kid) and teach myself with this really handy book that I bought in London: Ukulele Fretboard Maps: The Essential Patterns That All The Pros Know and Use. What a confidence-inspiring title! And it is a good book.

I went to the only ukulele shop in Singapore yesterday and got my strings changed. The staff was a cute guy who taught me how to change the strings and waived the string-changing charge (S$2 per string was the cost initially, on top of S$12 for a set of strings). Awesome customer service. I also got a digital tuner, since before this I was tuning the uke with my naked ear and some flash videos online, and it's a pain because ukes go out of tune very easily. Thus equipped, I was able to practise a little yesterday evening and today evening, and although I am not playing anything coherent yet (besides a mean C major scale without looking at my fingers... heh) (oh yeah! I can play Jason Mraz's I'm Yours, a friend taught me once and it's like the easiest ever) I am learning and should be able to familiarize myself with some chords within a couple of weeks.

And it's so exciting to speculate the songs that I will be able to play and sing to! If I had this sort of drive when I was 7 I would've saved my mum and I a lot of pain (mental from her part, physical from mine, as she used to coerce me into practising by holding a cane. Awesome childhood.). But I guess it's never too late. I am also trying to get through the phase of tender fingertips as quickly as I can, basically to grow calluses on the fingers on my left hand as soon as possible so that the strings will not hurt anymore. My right hand is facing another dilemma - to pick the strings easily I should have longer nails, but I hate growing my nails out (another imprint that my piano-playing childhood left on me - short nails are crucial so that they don't go all clicketty clack on the keys). I am still figuring this one out.

I am still having insomnia at night. I don't know if I should go dragonboating tomorrow, as I won't be there next week (GOING BACK TO KL OH YEAH) and if I don't get enough of sleep tonight tomorrow I'll be pretty tired. Besides I still have 2/3 of the paper that I'm going to have to finish by Monday, and dragonboating will take a huge 5-hour chunk out of my time. However, I do feel like I need the exercise, I've been doing nothing but sit in the office all week, and the sheer action of not doing anything is giving me a backache.

*like one hour later*
Just said goodbye to Housemate David who's leaving Singapore for Taiwan to do his PhD. He's leaving at 5am so I'll probably not see him again... his presence will be missed. Sigh.

I should go to bed.

AND I'M BACK!

2010-09-01T15:21:00.002+08:00

Staying home today because I only fell asleep this morning at 6am - I don't know if it's jet lag or just insomnia - but I woke up at 12 noon, quite fully rested and ready to face the world... at home.

I am working though. Just discovered a deadline for a PhD symposium to be held in Hong Kong in November, due for submission on Monday, and typical to my "why the hell not" attitude I am going to write a 35-page (double-spaced) paper about my research within 3 days and submit it. A challenge's a challenge after all and there seems to be no reason why I shouldn't go for it. (I seem to have a knack for leading a super-stressful life.)

Other plans are in the pipeline, I spent the entire night thinking about them when I was sleepless, and these months are going to be really busy in trying to make those things work parallel with each other, and I'll have to multitask, which is something I'm not really good at, but I will try. At the same time I really want to lead a healthy and mindful lifestyle with a solid link with the real world instead of being online 13 hours a day, when I am in Singapore. Contrast that with the 0 hours when I was in Ireland and Estonia, when I was having the time of my life, and I realize that something must be done, or I will be dreaming my life away in the past or the future, when I should be focusing on the now.

So yes, it looks like I am back to my usual indestructible self, bouncing off walls and kicking ass. (Yes - I bounce off walls. That's what I do.) But first, I have a paper to write, if you'll excuse me.

The anvil.

2010-08-30T09:41:00.003+08:00

Once back, I find myself sinking into bureaucratic and administrative quicksand, while I look around bewildered and wild-eyed, trying to make sense of what's happening around me. No stipend (aka income) for the next two months? What the hell are you talking about? Until confirmation is through they expect us to live on our own means. Even after confirmation is through we have to wait till the money gets channeled in.

Post-Europe, I am broke. I mean I am not broke enough to be starving, but broke enough to be annoyed.

Be grateful for what you've got, be grateful for what you've got, be grateful for what you've got. Europe. America. An office space to do what you (kind of) like. Good public transportation. Your own living space. A ukulele (with a snapped string). A (mostly) positive outlook to life. Mostly positive outlook to life, I need you RIGHT NOW.

Settling back in my old life, I am actually experiencing culture shock. I walked into my office today in a daze, unbelieving that I could actually have spent (most of) the past two years cooped up in this place. The feeling of being back is so familiar yet so strange. It's like the past two months was just a really, really long dream, and it did not happen at all. Or is it now that is a dream, and when I wake up I will still be in Berlin, worrying about my lost wallet?

Helplessness. Right now I am wedged between the past and the present, I can't think of Europe right now because it makes me sad, and I don't want to think about the present. Just want to curl up somewhere and hide until this crazy emotional storm ends and I emerge, sweet-smelling and smiley as usual, ready to face the world and its challenges to build the next epic voyage.

*deep breath*

Helter skelter.

2010-08-29T23:26:00.003+08:00

"If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclinations for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and incredible beauty." ~ Jon Krakauer.

My brain is quite dry at the moment, though I feel like blogging. There is nothing much to say, it was a lazy Sunday that involved me changing the lightbulbs of my room and snapping a ukulele string. Through googling for musical instrument shops in Singapore, I found out that Singapore has a ukulele shop as of January 2009, which means that there is no real reason why I should have bought my uke in London. (It does justify the London patch that I am going to sew onto the case though.) However it will be very handy for getting new strings, and in the future, books, when I have finished the three that I have bought.

The reason why I got the musical instruments (the ukulele and Irish tin whistle) is that I have this urge to pick up piano playing again. But a keyboard would be too big an investment, and I don't know if I would actually see it through. The compromising solution is therefore to buy some cheap instruments and learn them, establishing some kind of music routine in my life, like 30-60 minutes a day, just for practising. And I figure that, once I get used to this idea of playing music every day, I can then make a keyboard-buying commitment. But first - to replace the ukulele string.

Work starts tomorrow. I don't have the keys to my office room, because if you recall, I dropped them into the rain hole (unintentionally, damnit) right before I left for Europe. While we're on the subject I actually lost my wallet on my last day in Europe, on an airport shuttlebus in Berlin. Luckily I was able to retrieve it from the airport Lost and Found, with the kind help of Imre, my host. Later when he was sending me off at the airport, I almost missed the flight because we mistook the flight number for the flight time - I was supposed to fly at 1800, and the flight number was KL1830. Therefore we thought that it was a 6:30pm flight - and I got a horrid shock when I realized that it was actually 6pm when my flight was supposed to leave! Luckily I didn't get there too late and made the 6pm flight anyway. Why do things like that keep happening to me??

Anyway, I should go to bed. To people anticipating my emails, I'm on them. Soon. Ciao!

Sunshine

2010-08-29T00:12:00.004+08:00

There are times when I wonder if there are any limits to my stupidity, such as keeping my wardrobe key so safe somewhere that I can't for the life of me think of where I put it, therefore barring my access to all the clean clothes that I have. I am jet-lagged, filthy and still hating the fact that I'm back.

***

Later. Trying to retrace my thought processes as I kept the key, I correctly deduced that I would have put my keys somewhere so obvious that I would come across it eventually - and worked out that it would be in my office bag. Thankful that I didn't have to wait till Monday to find them. Off to the shower, at long last.

LDN

2010-08-24T06:20:00.004+08:00

Am giving myself 10 minutes to ramble about stuff, but it is almost 1am and I should really be getting to bed. Tomorrow morning I am going for a walking tour around London, then probably off to a museum in the afternoon or general wandering about in the city, and capping the day off with Avenue Q the Musical.

Today I bought a ukulele. Ahem. Completely random impulse purchase and I am still wondering why I got it haha. But of course I will practise it, along with my tin whistle which I bought from Ireland, so in some months I will be an accomplished musician, and eventually become a busker, and then break even the 29pounds' investment that I made. Hell yeah.

There is never time to blog properly, but rest assured that after Saturday when I touch down in Singapore, I will be completely depressed and travel-sick and will be blogging shitloads whining and feeling sorry for myself, so you have that to look forward to.

OK 10 minutes up, good night all.

In transit

2010-08-20T13:42:00.005+08:00

I am typing this at the waiting room of Stansted Airport, London. I have about an hour till my bus to Oxford leaves, at 16:15. Being the lazy bum that I am, I have not adjusted my watch to the local time (bearing in mind that the time changed a week ago since I arrived in Ireland). Instead, I am keeping the Continental time that is used by most other European countries, at the cost of having to subtract one from the time on my clock, and at bus stations, having to find a local clock that tells me the accurate time, just to be sure. I found it - it's hung on the wall right across me, cleverly hidden in plain sight.

So I shall settle down on the waiting bench and write, with Ben Fold's upbeat songs blasting in my ears, with faint melancholy of having left Ireland and the wonderful company of Robert, and having to get used to a new country again. Except that England isn't so new after all - did I not grow up with all the Enid Blyton books, describing the English countryside and its adventurous children, the little fairies and pixies and gnomes? Which is to say, there is no question at all that England will let me down, especially when I am going to stay in urban London most of the time, but perhaps Oxford will redeem it a bit. But one can never be too sure, as I liked Paris although I was quite certain that I wouldn't.

It is quite bizarre that my two-month trip in Europe is actually drawing to an end soon. Where did all the time go? Time slipped through the opening and closing of subway train doors, through idle moments of easy jokes and laughter while thumbing rides, through sighs at the beauty of nature, through hugs of hello and goodbye with friends and strangers who later became friends. From country to country, my sense of time became completely warped, as I entangled myself in lives of my friends and tasted a sliver of what it means to be Italian, German, Swedish, Estonian, French, a Spaniard in France, a Dutch in Ireland... Add in the urban, suburban, rural, nomadic lifestyles; the friends, the siblings, the parents, the grandparents, the random people you meet on the street; the music, the culture, the language... and then the inevitable disentanglement, as it is always time to catch the next bus, ferry, train, or flight.

Difficult. It will be difficult to describe this trip to people who will naturally ask how my holidays went (or even, where the hell I was), because I can't condense all of this into a ten-second answer. It will most likely sound like "Oh it was awesome," or something to that effect, betraying no sign of the weight of what I actually want to say, about what I liked and did not like about each country, about the similarities and differences between them, about the overwhelming kindness that I have received from almost everyone that I have met, about how I can count in five different European languages now (German, Italian, French, Estonian, and er... English), so on and so forth. Not to mention the sights, on how pretty the wheat fields in Estonia looked under the golden sunshine, as the breeze created little waves; or the collective sighs from the public when the Eiffel Tower sparkled after twilight, every hour on the hour; the double personality of the Irish countryside, beautifully green and lush on a clear sunny day, mysterious and misty when it rains. And the people! I so badly want to see them again, and relive the good old times, and share new ones!

Anyway - I am zipping along the English countryside, nodding off occasionally as I am prone to. I should close this post now and get some shuteye before I meet John, who's receiving me in Oxford. Met him in the Berlin conference, and he generously offered a couch to me in Oxford and to arrange a discussion about my research with his colleagues. A prime example of random acts of kindness that befall me.

***

***

In a small town called Donegal

2010-08-16T20:28:00.004+08:00

Robert and I are hitchhiking around the north of Ireland, the republic, it is breathtakingly beautiful here and I am endlessly surprised about how nice people can be. Hitching is a breeze, we usually don't wait more than 10 minutes. When we are not hitching, we are taking amazing walks - sighting a wild deer jumping over a fence in the wilderness, and the dramatic and imposing cliffs of Slieve yesterday when it was a beautifully sunny day (doesn't come by too often in Ireland)....

I am happy. Despite of the rain it is easy to smile here, at people, because they always smile back, and they're always willing to help or make your life a little easier. Also of course, travelling with Robert is easy, there's no stress and always good food and good music, and with that comes good company. We met a hitchhiker Rolf from Switzerland on the way at Glenveagh National Park, and later at a campsite, so we kind of travelled together yesterday and it was pretty nice, but now we are moving onwards to a music festival in Cavan. After which we will have to get back to Belfast, and myself onwards to Dublin, where I will fly to England.

Anyway - gotta go, free Internet is always good but I should not hog it. Till the next time I get access, love and hugs to all!

Ireland!

2010-08-13T00:29:00.003+08:00

Hasty blogpost, I am almost 2 hours late in meeting Robert (I promised to be back two hours ago), but everything Internet-related is settled now so I will be good with our week of hitchhiking and camping around Ireland. No connection for the next week! Typing this at SY's place, been mooching off her the whole day, dear girl, but I really need to go now so auf wiedersehen!

And to entertain you in the meantime:

2010-08-09T18:31:00.003+08:00

A link to my Awesome Friend Marten's game, that he designed and created himself:

http://jm-j.com/melodia.html

France!

2010-08-09T17:05:00.003+08:00

I am typing this in a cafe in Paris near Vanessa's place, where I'm staying. So far I am loving France. It is one of those places that you think is probably overrated, but end up being surprised that it is not. (Perhaps I should watch Avatar after all.)

So I touched down in Paris on Thursday evening like Marten said I would - it is interesting how my friends are more in touch with my travel dates than I am, at some point the dates just blurred and I am confused about the days of the week. I can't believe that it is mid-August already and I have to go back soon to pay my dues. Not before two more days of Paris, a week in Ireland and a week in England though! So I am keeping positive, as things will work out like the weather in Paris: always threatening to rain but never actually raining.

I spent the weekend with Linda in Alsace at her parents' and her grandparents', and it was really, really good. Her parents have a great sense of humour, and her grandparents, in their 90s, are so alert and interested in everything I have to say! Linda was an attentive translator and made sure that everyone understood everyone, so I had a long (bilingual) conversation with her grandparents, about their stories during the war, about Malaysia's education system, about traditional Chinese medicine... cultural exchange at its best. Really, as I said to Linda, I couldn't have enjoyed the experience more. And also Alsace is very beautiful - I was at Strasbourg, Colmar, Eguisheim and Rouffach, I loved the buildings, the storks, and all the beautiful flowers!

Currently though, I am in Paris and staying with Vanessa, my Spanish friend whom I met in the States last year. She is such a dear, introducing me to her friends and walking around Paris with me yesterday! Also her friend just got dumped by her boyfriend (an arsehole, according to stories that I've heard about him), and I helped Vanessa avenge some of her anger - to him I said sweetly and clearly and in front of all his friends, "I'm sure you get this very often - but your French accent is so pretty!" He was positively mortified because he likes to think that his English is perfect. Here's to all the Lauras in the world!

But having said that, after roaming around Europe for a bit, I think French guys are the most attractive. They have such deep and smiley eyes! I was on the metro the other day and met eyes with this guy on the opposite platform - and I freaking blushed. WTF.

Anyway, should stop doing nerdy stuff and get going to explore the city. No Internet at Vanessa's, so till I reach Ireland, au revoir!

Monocle Smile!

2010-08-02T07:23:00.004+08:00

It's almost 1:30am, and I am still up, typing this in Marten's place. Marten, his girlfriend Johanna and Val are asleep in other rooms.

It's funny how some things don't change, although some things have changed drastically. From the Rainbow Frank Experience back in Kiwiland, which seems to be such a long time ago, when in reality it is only a 2 1/2 years ago when we were slaving our butts off for Greenpeace together. Things that have changed: Marten has cut off his dreadlocks (and he for some reason did not take up my suggestion to go for a mullet instead - sad but true) and dyed his hair brown; Val abolished his no drinking principle; and I don't eat meat now.

Things that have not changed form a longer list though:

We still name random animals. Sally the Seagull joins the league of Rainbow Frank the Ugly Dog (from which we derived our team name the Rainbow Frank Experience), Herbert the Penguin, and Peter the Seal.
We still have long pointless discussions about big issues like capitalism, religion, money, and whether certain organisms are animals (Creature of contention used to be bees, but we have since progressed to jellyfish). By now we should probably have learnt that Val is far left, I am moderate and Marten is kind of right and our opinions are kind of the way they were in New Zealand. But no we still stay up till 3am and argue until we tire out and agree grudgingly to disagree.
We still have long pointless discussions about trivial stuff like whether it is fries or chips (this was resolved - they are potato sticks now), or it is tomato or tomato, or whether "funny" was derived from "fun".
Marten still buys cool but useless stuff (like the iPhone). I still snore while sleeping. Val still hates Germany.
Val still likes Marmite. Marten still eats his instant noodles with ketchup. I still eat my cereal separate from my milk. We agreed two years ago that those are all equally disgusting.
We still enjoy watching movies together - we watched Burn After Reading tonight and it was a rather good movie. And also Youtube videos like the Old Spices commercials.
We still have tons of insider running gags and create new ones all the time (such as when we knock fists going "Jesus Fist!" when there is a moment of triumph, usually involving the misery of one out of the three of us - don't ask). And also extremely politically incorrect jokes, often about Germans or Asians. You know, because the former is good at genocide and the latter can't squint.

It has been great. Yesterday we had an efficient day of going to the archipelagos near Gothenburg, a park that has mooses, penguins, seals and deer, and a local pub. The rain did not dampen our efficiency. Today it was sunny and we spent most of the day staying indoors to watch half a movie of The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy and subsequently a TV marathon of Family Guy.

We had planned on going to the Universeum, which is some kind of science centre which has a simulated rainforest in it (because the European rainforests would obviously be superior to what we have in tropical Southeast Asia) but later found out that it costs like 18Euros to get in and that would be too much to pay for a joke. So we decided to go to the Museum of World Culture instead, and got there 5 minutes before 5pm, the closing time. Eventually we accepted that it was to be a lazy pointless Sunday and just chilled at a cafe and proceeded for dinner at this place that served kickass vegan food. After which we came home to watch Burn After Reading and play boardgames.

Val is leaving tomorrow and I don't know when I will see him again - it has been such a luxury to be able to meet up with him as often as I have, three times actually, in Berlin, Hamburg and now in Gothenburg. It has been an underlying sadness within me that surfaces when there is a moment of quiet - that beyond this Europe trip I'll actually not see some very dear friends for a very long time. And I'll have to go back to Singapore where I don't have many dear friends at all. That is quite a depressing thought.

Anyway - should get to bed, will have breakfast with Val tomorrow and send him off to the airport.

If you ever need any luck

2010-07-30T04:13:00.007+08:00

And so I am writing this onboard the Victoria I, a ferry that will transport me to Sweden via the Baltic Sea. I am writing this facing a beautiful sunset that never seems to end, I have been keeping an eye on it since 8pm and it is now 11:15pm (Estonian time), and I am still tirelessly amazed by the sun's reluctance to set in this part of the world, at this time of the year.

I am mildly melancholic, it is the first time in several days that I have had no company but myself, and the sudden change is rather jarring. Nothing to do on this ship, except to witness drunk Finnish guys sing karaoke, or so I've heard, which is uninspiring even at the current state of boredom that I am in. I can also do some minor edits on my final confirmation report but I can't be arsed either. So as always, there is nothing to do but to alternate some aimless rambling on the blog with checking my email every five minutes.

I'd put on my earphones but it is very pleasant to hear the waves crashing against the ship. Intermittently I have the only Estonian song that I know by heart playing in my head, and Silver would be proud to know that I am singing it very smoothly with no pauses or weird facial expressions. It is sad that my Estonian vocabulary, once fast-expanding, will start to disintegrate and shrink.

Half an hour later.

As if to prove that my life could get even more boring than what it was, a drunk Danish biker passed by and asked if he could use my netbook to check the weather. He did so, and then logged into Facebook. Do you know how long it takes for a drunk guy to log into Facebook, go through the word verification process, photo verification process, and type one letter at a time a drunken status message? That's right. Half an hour. And then he and his friend kept "yaorama" with me (Estonian word that I learnt - basically means drunken conversation), asked if I had a boyfriend (damn handy my imaginary boyfriend), and gave me permission to blog about them, under the condition that I mention that they rode vintage bikes.

And before he left he said: "If you ever need any luck, go to cabin 5402. There you will get many luck."

WTF. I think I will go to bed now. The sun has almost set completely anyway.

Igaühe hinges on revolutsioon lase südamel rääkida

2010-07-29T14:27:00.005+08:00

I am typing this at Ester's sister Anna's place, on my last day in Estonia. I leave via ferry today at 6pm to Stockholm, and will be reunited with Marten and Val tomorrow in Gothenburg. I can't wait to see them again, but my heart is rather heavy to leave Estonia, where I had such great times, the past week has been really awesome and thought-provoking, full of music and laughter and new ideas and inspiration.

In no particular order my memorable times in Estonia:

Had a traditional sauna yesterday with Silver, Ester, Anna and Martin (Anna's partner). Before, I felt that people have no business in putting themselves into a room that is 100 degrees celsius or even warmer (and then jumping into a water bath of 10 deg), but after yesterday I think I understand. Because it is awesome. I really enjoyed the extreme hot and cold, and it was so good after an entire day of hitchhiking to sweat all the grime and dust away, and then have deep conversations with Anna and Silver till the sun rose (days are very long - the sun rose around 3:30-4am I think).
Silver and I stole some wheat from a field, and with primitive methods separated the chuff from the grains. We had wheat porridge the second day, which wasn't very good, but we were so proud of the grain-processing (95% pure stuff) that we didn't mind. And there is so much the forest can offer you, if you know where to look and what to eat - we picked blueberries and wild strawberries, some fern-like plant (I can't remember what it was called - have to ask Silver later) for tea, and there were also wild mushrooms that we added into our soup. Seriously tasty stuff.
Hitchhiking with Silver - having some crazy people picking us up - our first ride begun with a stocky man telling Silver that he hated picking up hitchhikers, but since he was in a good mood he had to; and the two men who picked us up and I later found out that one of them had actually stabbed his wrist (unintentionally) with a screwdriver and "some yellow stuff popped out" and on the way to the emergency room they picked us up; a really nice couple who were the only ones who spoke in English to me (usually they just speak Estonian to Silver)... I think for the whole week that we were hitchhiking we must have had more than 20 rides, and I've covered so much of Estonia by hitching, to the central to the south and to the west, where I am now. Silver is a really good hitching partner, always super positive, while I am the lesser partner always sleeping in cars and sometimes even snoring =P since I rarely need to talk! But yes, I love hitching with a partner, walking long distances on roads that have virtually no cars, when summer days are long and having the firm belief that people would pick us up, for however long we wait - and also perfecting the act of channeling desperation through one's eyes (it works!)
Learning Estonian. Silver is a really good teacher, and we had so much time to learn that up till now I already know two Estonian songs (one by heart, and one in principle because I know the tune and have the lyrics written down), how to count from one to 999, how to ask the price of mash potatoes (and a variety of other vegetables), to say happy birthday, and of course the obligatory bad word, the textbook conversation of "How are you?" "I am fine, and you?" and a variety of other useful stuff. I don't think I learnt anything useless this time haha!
Viljandi Folk Music Festival. Had so much fun dancing and found some music that I think I can drown happily in, it was really good and really worth the trip. Saw the Estonian president who was casually taking a picture with a band (wtf like that also can - it was so casual that it was hilarious) and there were like 5 Asian people out of maybe 20,000 people who were there, I got so excited when I saw them! And Silver and I went for a boating competition which ended up quite disastrously, we even rented a boat and practised the day before the race, but we didn't expect that one had to row blindfolded while the other had to direct! So Silver rowed and I directed and we ended up going towards an entirely wrong direction while all the people on the pier were pointing and laughing haha. I think we had the worst record, we were rowing with Kerttu and Martin, and they finished with less than half of what we took. But it was really good fun!
Chilling out with Silver and Ester in Tallinn in their apartment, listening to music and eating blueberries with ice-cream and watching a documentary about Estonian history and how the Estonian people fought to get independence, forming a human chain that was so long that it spanned across Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania, and also by demonstration through singing... it was a very touching movie.
Estonian swings. 'Nuff said.
Harvesting peas in Silver's country home

Damn the words are all jumbled in my head and I am just typing as fast as I can before anyone wakes up, it is 10am now and we have to leave at around 12 noon, I hope it will be easy to hitch to Tallinn where my ferry leaves. It should be fine.

I think my experience in Estonia has taught me so much about life, of how one should live - to stay in Silver's country home and now in Anna's place, where they grow their own stuff and build their own houses and process their own waste, I realized that in being a city kid as I am, I am so detached from all the fundamentals, where everything is as easy as a snap of fingers, and you don't think about where your food comes from, how to make a comfortable and practical home, etc. etc... And while camping, it really makes you realize how precious resources like clean drinking water is, and how little you can actually use, instead of a gushing water tap that comes from places that are so far away that you don't care. And showers are such a luxury!

All in all - I learnt so much, I have only got a glimpse of all the knowledge of living that I don't possess, I really want to stay and learn some more but the current of travelling is pulling me away and I have to go soon... and I am so glad that I hosted Silver and made such a great friend and hence such a wonderful experience in Estonia. Speaking of which I should wake them up somehow so we can have breakfast and leave quite soon to catch my ferry.

Estonian Swing

2010-07-22T06:28:00.006+08:00

That's Ester and I on a swing at the open air museum in Tallinn. Going to Viljandi for the Folk Music Festival tomorrow, and will be hitchhiking, camping and hiking around Estonia after that with Silver, Ester and a couple of Silver's other friends. Will be fantastic apart from the fact that I don't have my shoes yet. But no worries 'coz the highest ~~mountain~~ hill in the Baltic States is about 300m high.

üks kaks kolm
neli viis kuus
seitse kaheksa üheksa
kümme

Will have no Internet connection for a bit. Head ööd!

Estonia!

2010-07-19T20:17:00.005+08:00

Typing this in the Estonian airport (free Internet woohoo!) while waiting for Silver. I arrived four hours ahead of the scheduled time because my flight was cancelled and I was given an earlier one. Silver's going to pick me up at 6pm, I am quite certain that he will, even though he didn't reply my email. It feels great having this much confidence in someone.

In fact this trip has only reinforced my belief that things work out, somehow. Even if things don't go as planned, I have confidence in myself that I would be able to handle it and make it right. The glorious week that I spent in Germany in lieu of Switzerland is a case in point. Courage and good sense, courage and good sense. (Some may call it insane recklessness.) And the ability to stomach alcohol, wahahaha.

Anyway, don't have much to say, I need to do some work now, big hugs to Val who will eventually read this for being so awesome and having awesome parents! And to all the others who are reading - oi leave some comments lah. Don't let Chetan do all the work =D

Beautiful Swiss sunset at St Gallen

Dirty bloodied feet and no hangover

2010-07-18T16:20:00.003+08:00

I conquered the Reeperbahn! Even got into Herbertstrasse where they had prostitutes in the window (they were all very hot but I failed to convince Val to pay for sex), where a short while ago only men above the age of 18 can enter. Val says that they threw pee and condoms filled with perfume at women who attempted to go in. Now the lesbians can have fun too! Note to self: get a lesbian friend and convince her to pay for sex.

Yeah and I cut my foot as there was broken glass on the roads and I only had my flipflops on. A kind bunch of girls stopped and gave me a bandage and then when I was staring at all the blood on the tissue in a bar a guy bought us a couple of rounds of shots and I bought them shots too and all in all it was an awesome night. Delicious Mexican shots (tabasco + tomato juice + alcohol) and strawberry limes and just for 50euro cents each.

And plus I get to gloat at Val because I don't have any semblance of a hangover and he's totally thrashed although we got similarly shitfaced. Muahahahaha.

Just completely beautiful people.

2010-07-17T14:37:00.003+08:00

Gosh things are moving so fast that my blog can't keep up. It's 8:41am, Saturday, and I wrote the below at 3:00am, Friday:

***

Feeling really happy and fulfilled now. Hitching away from Switzerland was probably the best decision that I've made on this Europe trip, I've spent two really nice days with Robert and Flo in Leipzig, I am genuinely sorry that I have to leave tomorrow.

It's just been blissful, all the knowledge input! Robert majors in history and French, and Flo studies math and music. I am an eager student, they are ready teachers. Yesterday while preparing dinner, Robert gave me a brief overview of European history as we cut vegetables together. After dinner, Flo explained to me the different eras of classical music, complete with impromptu performances of examples of different periods. Then today Robert walked with me around Leipzig and showed me different types of architecture, as Leipzig has been around for like 1000 years and has rich examples of different types of architecture throughout the ages. Then we met up with Flo and his girlfriend Danni, and went canoeing together =D. After an awesome pasta dinner, Flo and I went for a concert together while Robert stayed home and studied, and when we got back Robert and I sat down and talked about everything, from coins to learning completely useless things to language differences and similarities... it was just so invigorating to be able to speak at this level, after the stupid Swiss situation.

*promptly fell asleep after writing the above, it was 3:30am after all*

***
//back to present

So I am at Val's, hitching was ridiculously easy yesterday, though I did wake up an hour late. Robert woke me up at 9:25am, and I took a quick shower, packed my stuff up in a frenzy, snapped up the sandwiches and water that Robert prepared, gave both guys big bear hugs and managed to catch a tram and a bus to go to the spot that Robert told me. On the bus I created some sort of flurry among the old ladies sitting around me, when they found out that I was going to the highway to hitch to Hamburg. With disapproving shakes of their head yet slight admiration in their eyes, they bade me good luck as I jumped out of the bus at the right stop.

From then on it was a breeze. The first car that came by picked me up, from Leipzig, and dropped me near Berlin, where the third car that came by (sweet ladies) stopped, and then the fifth car, and the last leg took like 5 minutes of waiting time but I got to Hamburg with no problems at all. With my homemade "HH" sign (HH stands for Hamburg, but Val pointed out it can also stand for Hail Hitler), lucky hitchhiking long skirt and big smile I made it before 4pm. Met up with Val, had really good African food, and made our way to his dad's place. Then we did some dumpster diving for bread - it's amazing how good bread gets thrown out and can be taken for free! In packages and stuff. And they're not even past expiry date yet, just close, and it's still pretty fresh.

Oh and Val's dad is awesome. 'Nuff said. "Was kostet ein bier? 8000 marks! Was kostet zvei bier? 8000 marks!"

I'm sitting down blogging at the breakfast table while Val is preparing, which I suppose is bad ettiquette, so I shall stop right here.

Take me by the hand take me somewhere new, I don't know who you are, but I'm with you.

2010-07-15T06:28:00.006+08:00

I suppose there's no easy way to break this news - I left Switzerland prematurely, one week before I was supposed to, with the air ticket to Estonia already booked for next Wednesday, from Zurich. Instead I decided yesterday morning to fuck everything and just leave. I hitchhiked from Bussigny (west Switzerland) yesterday, with 6 rides, and right now am typing this in Leipzig, Germany, some 900kms away. I am safe, at Robert (Val's friend)'s apartment, quite happy with where I am and with the decision that I made, sometimes you just have to walk away if you don't feel comfortable with where you are.

Too much has happened within the past 48hours - involving me being quite ignored by a company of Swiss-German speaking people, drinking and dancing at a jazz festival having an awesome time, waking up feeling like crap and knowing that I'd be ignored some more, and then deciding that I would walk away from that (and the Swiss Alps, regretfully). I bought a map of Europe, made up a boyfriend for the occasion, and stuck my thumb out at the nearest exit to the highway. Crossed the Swiss border to Deutschland, reloaded my completely empty German sim card, gave Val a call and all was well again.

I have been really lax in taking pictures again, so here are just a few from hitchhiking:

Nunzio, the Italian trucker who picked me up, transported me for a major part of my trip, and made me Italian coffee and spaghetti. This is him making coffee from the inside of his truck.

Stopped by the German police because Nunzio was driving a little too fast, and they took some time to verify my passport - after which they offered to pose for a touristy picture.
Me and my trusty Europe map.

Going to hitch some more a couple of days later, from Leipzig to Hamburg, where I will join Val. Then probably I'll fly to Estonia from there.

Arrived safely in Zurich

2010-07-09T14:11:00.003+08:00

And moving on to St Gallen today. The connection from Prato to Zurich was unexpectedly smooth - managed to arrange a shared ride with a rather cute guy from Stuttgart who speaks 6 languages *at awe* and his teenage brother, and upon arrival at Zurich I was picked up by Yves (hosted him before)' brother Marco and whisked to their flat. Then we went to the lake, Yves, Marco and their flatmate Gini and I, and chilled with beer while the sun slowly set around 9pm. Familiar atmosphere with unintelligible conversation (but Swiss German instead of Italian) and me not caring. Next week Yves may take me hiking and to a jazz festival at west of Switzerland. So far not planning ahead seems to be working well.

Left my hiking shoes behind though at Prato. (NOT intentionally. Someone asked me "why?" yesterday.) Will just have to conquer the Alps with flipflops. (No lah Laura's going to send them to me.)

Lego

2010-07-08T06:48:00.007+08:00

Lego and Shell on a train from Venezia to Vicenza

Lego with wild flowers at the Dolomites hike

Lego and me with the view of Florence

Lego with Statue of Fat Man On Drooling Turtle (subtitled: Why the hell not?)

Internet access to be scarce for the following days - camping in St Gallen for the Paella Party, and about a week of nothing planned. The sky's the limit. Leaving for Milan first thing in the morning. Will miss Italy.

2010-07-07T03:36:00.005+08:00

Thinking of life. Love. Death. Money. Cancer. Big fluffy clouds. Are souls so light that they can tread on clouds? Are souls so bright that they become one with the sun? Do souls get scared? Do souls wear shoes with laces, so that they can bounce better on the clouds?

It was a morning. There was a mourning. Somewhere, a time zone 6 hours away, a soul was finally able to unshackle herself from her body and her pain, bend down and tie her shoelaces, bounce, bounce and bounce on the clouds, closer and closer to the sun, where it was bright and they couldn't see her anymore.

Rest in peace Kai Ma Ma.

Pictures from Vienna

2010-07-06T07:21:00.005+08:00

Lying Pinocchio on high chair with spider on his nose

Belvedere
Important-looking building

Bought this for myself on Charles Bridge in Prague

Hedgehog marzipan for Val

Because not everybody has an imperfect picture of the Austrian Parliament Building

By the canal at Vienna
Einstein Cafe

From the demonstration for better treatment of asylum seekers that I went to

Really tame bird pecking at my dinner. I gave it pieces of my pita after the photo op as thanks.

ITALIA

2010-07-05T03:25:00.003+08:00

Rather tired so this will be one of those what-I-did-this-weekend posts. Which was a lot, and I've enjoyed myself so much that I want to blog about it before I forget, but since I am still using Laura's mum's computer I will not upload any photos. (And obviously I've found the apostrophe though it's rather out of the way.) Maybe tomorrow when we reach Prato I'll find some wireless connection.

Italy is simply lovely. I arrived in Venice via night train on Friday morning, hopped on a regional train and got to Vicenza where I met a CSer for an interview, and met Laura there. After that it was a series of public transportation to Piovene Rochette - from Vicenza to Schio via train and from Schio to P.R. via bus, and finally we arrived at Laura's parents' place. They are out of town for the weekend so it is just us. Friday night Laura brought me to her pizza party which was kind of a reunion among people of the same age as her, in her town, and hardly anyone spoke English to me (they were too shy to but later on it was better) so I spent the evening like I predicted. Good pizza, incomprehensible conversation, but people were quite friendly.

And the pizza. Glorious, glorious Italian food. I had only crappy food in Vienna, so I practically inhaled my vegetable pizza which had eggplant, asparagus, artichokes, zucchini, mushrooms, pepper and cheese on it, and I only surfaced for air sticking up my thumb saying 'saporita' (which means tasty) at intervals and dived straight back in. It was unbelievably good. Orgasmic.

So on Saturday we woke up pretty late, because the pizza party ended with an after party at a watermelon place which ended with a drink at Laura's. For the record pre'pizza party we had aperitif (pre-meal drinks), so the gathering began at around 8pm and lasted till 5am (I crashed at 3am.) In the afternoon Laura brought me to swim in a river near her town where the water was really, really cold, and in the evening we went to a villa in a small town near Verona to have some free wine, there was some cultural talk going on about Italian television (which I obviously do not understand) but the wine was good, both red and white, and also the cheese that went with it. After that Laura and her two friends brought me for a walk in Verona, and it was simply. magical.

I love Verona. I can only say that I admire Berlin, Prague and Vienna, but for Verona, it was something really special, a place that was historical without being imposing, and the streets were cozy and inviting and friendly, it is probably the most romantic place that I have been so far in my travels. There was a castle with a moat, the type that you can totally picture a captured princess waiting for her knight in shining armour, and I liked it so much more than Schloss Schonbrunn of Austria where there was more than 1000 rooms (kinda like the Forbidden City of China I guess) and even Prague Castle which was majestically beautiful, but I just didn't feel any chemistry. Also there was an ancient arena right in the middle of the city, kind of randomly, and I was just thrilled.

Note to self: get a boyfriend and go back to Verona with him.

Also for the uninitiated, Verona is the setting of Romeo and Juliet, and there is this place within the city called Juliet's House, with a statue of Juliet with shiny boobs (tourists touch it for luck) and a balcony where Romeo met up with her. It was closed when we were there, but the shopkeepers of the apron shop right next to the place actually invited us to go upstairs where we had an unobstructed night view of the balcony. Sweet as.

Today we went hiking at the Dolomites, the Italian part of the Alps, and it was also very beautiful and nice, although I couldn't understand most of what was going on with my Italian hiking partners, Laura's friends.

I have to go, Laura has prepared dinner, I still have stuff to say but maybe later.

A quick one!

2010-07-02T23:52:00.001+08:00

I am right now in Piovene Rocchette (population around 8000), Lauraùs hometown and I am blogging on the laptop of her mum and I cant locate the apostrophe, so you will just have to do some decoding. Managed to survive the night train couchette, which is designed for claustrophobic discomfort, since you canàt sit upright and thiss morning we had breakfast lying down. Donàt ask me how I did it without spilling anything (though I very, nearly did spill piping hot coffee on the head of the person in the bunk beneath me).

Lauraàs bringing me to a pizza party tonight, a traditional annual thing that they have for people of the same age in this town, and coincidentally tonightàs the night so we are going. I am anticipating good pizza, beer (since pizza goes with beer apparently) and conversations that I will not understand. Over and out.

The hills are alive (this would be creepy if the verse ended here) with the sound of music

2010-07-01T07:02:00.005+08:00

Had a really fun night with Elia, Susi and Rex (I'm not sure if that's how to spell her name), my hosts, and another Israeli Couchsurfer named Boaz, watching The Sound of Music, haha! I haven't seen it in years, and as a child I never really did appreciate the historical background of the era that it depicted, so it was really interesting to watch it again. And the landscape! Susi and Rex apparently lived near the place that the movie was shot, and even got baptised and went to weddings in the church where Maria married Captain von Trapp.

It's so fun watching it with Austrians as they protest at all the Austrian stereotypes and stuff the Americans probably made up to rhyme the songs with ("Who eats schnitzels with noodles??") (And, while we're at it - apparently people also said "gloomy pussies" back in the day. *cue juvenile smirk*). Also fun is all the singing to the words, though Elia didn't know them, but Susi, Rex, Boaz and I were all swaying to the music. Especially the part with the puppets, the best part of the show obviously, as a kid I would rewind the tape and watch that part over and over again. Ahh. Good times.

Elia's bringing me to a demonstration tomorrow for a girl and her family who are going to be deported back to Kosovo. Looking forward to it.

Down time

2010-06-30T06:35:00.002+08:00

I actually wrote like, 3 blog posts today, when I had my netbook with me while roaming the city. But I'm not in the mood to post them now. Partly it is because two of them are about how I got lost in the city and everything, and right this moment I am acutely aware of my ignorance about Austria and Europe in general. I keep telling myself it's alright because I really didn't have time to do any travel research or read about Austrian history (or Czech, or Italian, or any of the 7 other countries that I'm visiting), and I'll come back again, better prepared - but it just feels awful when my host tells me certain places and events and is completely astounded when I know nothing about them. Just like I was astounded when she said she hasn't watched Sound of Music before (The movie's set in Austria).

I hate this feeling of knowing that I'm missing something completely awesome that is right in front of me but I'm too dumb to recognize it. I know I can't know everything in the world but not knowing anything just sucks horribly =(

Leaving Prague soon

2010-06-28T20:26:00.004+08:00

Leaving Prague in a couple of hours, I'm now hanging out in the hostel cafe with Meghan, a Canadian traveller whom Baska and I met yesterday. She's writing her postcards and I'm writing my blog.

Prague has been breathtakingly beautiful to the untrained eye, and I'm sure it would be so much more meaningful if my eyes had been trained somewhat, in gothic architecture and Czech history and the works of Franz Kafka. I think I'll come back. In fact, I think it's quite mandatory that I do, because I touched a certain statue, which is rumoured to bring the toucher back to Prague. Seems like a curse of some sort. And I really don't mind. I've actually been thinking thoughts like "the next time I'm back in Prague I'll have to go for a classical music concert" or "the next time I'm here I'll totally buy a beautiful painting like that".

I've been walking a lot. I've been making unhealthy food choices. (In fact I'm having a humongous bowl of fries right this moment.) I've been enamoured by street musicians. I've been staring at token Asians in the tourist crowd. I've been drinking beer like nobody's business and having no hangovers at all. I've been getting lost in little alleyways that lead into courtyards where ancient markets must have been held hundreds of years ago, on the same cobblestones that horses must have trotted on. It has been good, in a surreal way.

Anyway - Vienna up next. My bus leaves at 5pm and arrives at 9:15pm, and it's a country that uses Euros (I arrived in Prague with not a koruna cent on me, completely korunaless - it was rather interesting, as nobody spoke English and I didn't have any money to take the subway. Worked out in the end, like how things usually do.) and speaks German, which pronunciations makes sense at least even if the content doesn't, so everything's good. I have a CSer host there waiting for me so it will be great.

Moaning in Praha

2010-06-26T23:43:00.005+08:00

So far Prague has been awesome. I've met really nice people - two Brazilian girls who got lost with me on the way to the hostel, and this fantastic Mexican guy that I really have to tell you about.

So yesterday after dinner with the Brazilian girls and an American guy I was rather tired and went to bed early with noone in the room, but before I could really sleep this Mexican guy Marko comes into the room and we started talking. And he was so. incredibly. funny. I swear we could've collected money for the impromptu comedy that both of us were making - he shares the exact same sense of humour that I have, and for about an hour or two we were just snorting and giggling uncontrollably - him on the bottom bunk and me on the top bunk, convulsing in hysterical guffaws, cracking jokes about the seven pairs of sunglasses that he had managed to collect during his Europe trip (cue pitch dark eye-rolling here), my inability to recognize faces and the couple who were having sex in the next room the day before I arrived.

Apparently there was an epic 10-second moan, which I tried very hard to coax out of Marko for the best part of the night, and at some point we were building a business empire out of The Best Moan in The World, complete with its moaning merchandise, its moaning cult and a moaning campaign at the Vatican City. And we would make movies of course, about moaning, but foreseeably that would probably spark off our porn enterprise. We were on fire. (So would the Vatican City be, once our moaning cult takes off.) We were moan buddies, and he promised that he would think of me every time he moaned. And I promised him that I would sense it, no matter which part of the world I am.

It is so rare that you find someone that you click with, at the rate that we did, so it was rather sad this morning that we didn't really say a proper goodbye as he moved on. He did leave a note (with a sentimental "Keep on moaning" hastily scribbled), so I'll add him on Facebook later.

And then Baska arrived, and we had a great day walking around the city, with a free tour which was very good. Anyway, I need to go now, Baska's sorta waiting for me, we're gonna have dinner and see the sunset of Praha from a hill. Awesome stuff.

So schmeckt Arsch!

2010-06-25T12:42:00.006+08:00

So yesterday was a really great day. Everything went very smoothly - I found my hostel after checking out of the hotel, was able to check in early, Val got some smooth rides and arrived early as well, and we walked from East Berlin to West Berlin and back to the East again. At one point we were at the border (delineated by a line on the ground) and jumped several times from the east to the west and back to the east. It was all very historically significant and juvenile.

We originally had planned on renting bikes, but as with all my bike-renting travel plans (remember Ayutthaya, Asa? ;)) it remained largely a plan and in walking around looking for a bike-rental place we walked all over the city instead. I guess it's just as well as I was able to really take a look at the city, and Val and I were able to talk much more than if we were cycling. It is incredibly handy to have him translate all the German signs and words around! I also replenished my database of useless German words and phrases - yesterday I learnt how to say "tastes like [...]", [...] being any noun that I know. (Possible nouns include: Snow White, blackheads, ass, marijuana etc.)

Oh and we walked past this little kid who was having a small yard sale, and he was so cute! So Val bought two shells (and gave me one) and I bought a single lego brick. Val was also very impressed that I said "how much does that cost?"in German to the little kid, although I didn't get his reply (it was 2 cents). We walked away from the stall feeling very happy that we made a little kid's day.

This was after we visited a squat and got very rudely snubbed by some leftist bastards. They were so incredibly rude - deliberately turning their backs to me when they knew I was approaching them (I tripped over a glass bottle and made some noise), and when I asked them if I could take pictures of the really cool graffiti on the wall they just said no in the most sullen way possible, and turned their backs again. Val and I spent a good 15 minutes fuming over the elitist leftists and how they would never change the world to be a nicer place if they're so nasty to other people. And then we met the yardsale kid and everything was sunshine and rainbows again.

I'm typing this in a hostel called Rixpack Hostel, it is only 10Euros per night per bed and the rooms are awesomely basic. I mean, in place of a carpet they actually have a tarpaulin sheet on the floor, and we're sleeping on makeshift camp beds. But the atmosphere is good, the hostel owner is charmingly eccentric (we are staying on Level L, which is Level L only because the hostel owner was too lazy to use the masking tape to shape any alphabet that has curves to it. So there's Level F, H, K and L. Which makes perfect sense if you think about it - but that's very unGerman of him.), and we met a nice Frenchman with a sad love story - guy moves to another country because of girl, things don't work out and guy is left in a foreign country not really knowing what to do. Hmm. Sounds very familiar with how someone ended up in Singapore.

And we also drank copious amounts of beer, Val and I (and later Ben, the Frenchman). Beer is so cheap here. The cheapest beer that we got was like 60cents for half a litre, and if you bring back a bottle they give you some rebates. I was buying some water in the supermarket before that for 21 cents, and at the cashier Val gave his bottle back which entitles him to a 25cents cashback, so we actually got my bottle for free with four cents back. Sweet!

In fact, Berlin is not expensive at all. A pizza and a pasta in an eatery cost us 7.80euros total, and that was a huge meal. I had a falafel which cost only 2euros and it was so huge that I kept half of it for later. Beer is cheap with diverse choices and makes everybody happy after 5pm, the socially accepted time to start drinking. The subway is like 2.10Euros for a two-hour transit to wherever, and sometimes I just forget to buy the tickets because there's no turnstiles or whatever. And of course, a 10Euro hostel bed? That's actually cheaper than what NZ used to cost.

Anyway, it's 7:36am, Val's still asleep and perhaps I should go back to bed too. Onwards to Prague later today!

The Art of Making Things Work

2010-06-23T21:41:00.003+08:00

is not to worry about them. Cases in point:

In a surprising turn of events, the guy who was supposed to rent Housemate David's room when he leaves in August, decided that he liked our place so much that he would rent my room when I am in Europe. Completely out of the blue but I am saving on 2 months' rent =D
Val's hitchhiking to Berlin to meet me tomorrow =D We're going to rent bikes and try to trace the Berlin Wall. It's going to be awesome.
Baska, a Polish girl whom I met last year in the States will take the trouble to travel from Poland to Prague just to meet me T_T
I met a Singaporean guy (he was sitting beside me - what are the odds?) in the conference and he'll help me take the stuff I don't need back to Singapore, my blazer and conference bag and that conference mug that came along ahaha.
Found a CSer in Vienna to host me =D
Having had no plans made yet in my UK stretch of the trip, I met a PhD student from Oxford who invited me to his university and he's going to introduce me to his labmates to talk about my research. Also offered me a couch without me asking T_T

Why are there so many nice people in this world? *beams at all the nice people in this world*

Berlin Street Art

2010-06-23T00:49:00.004+08:00

Parts of the fallen Berlin Wall

Love this one. Pow! Pow!

Another remnant from Berlin Wall
Ugly Giant Roses take over the world

Cool dog under a bridge
Hidden Vokü place that I went to: Zielona Gora

Show an undead system how to die! Anarchist stuff.

Random vending machine
Probably also part of the Berlin Wall
Amateur art.

This one's for Stefan

2010-06-21T06:10:00.005+08:00

whom I met at a Vokue, loosely translated as a soup kitchen (vegan food's available for 2euros), when I was there all alone as my Vokue partner-in-crime, a British Couchsurfer, did not show up. Briefly after we began some small talk in the long line, my partner-in-crime did show up, and I was distracted - Stefan shoved this beautiful card into my hands and disappeared in the crowd. I wish I had a chance to say thanks properly. Dankeschön Stefan.

In other news it's 12:25am Berlin time, 6:25am Singapore time. I am still wide awake, I can't believe it. Had a pretty good day, went to the Salvador Dali exhibition 'coz Asa's a huge fan (and also I happened to stumble upon it), and I enjoyed myself very much. Even took notes, so when I'm free I can blog about it. Can't see it happening in the near future though. Guten nacht!

0: Berlin

2010-06-20T17:40:00.003+08:00

I have arrived in Berlin and only have less than 10 min to put up a post in this cafe because they have a very efficient 30min per coffee policy here. I am already feeling hyper so will not infuse my system with more caffeine. I am also probably going to check out a Salvador Dali museum or Erotik Museum later, depending on where my amazing navigational skill is able to take me.

So far Berlin is cold (12deg celsius) and I have already been doing a lot of walking because of my amazing ability to get lost (yeah it's the same said navigational skill) and I can only check in at 2pm so will do even more walking. It looks like it's going to rain, I hope not, 'coz non-tropical rain sucks rat ass. Or donkey balls, if you're Marten. I got his email and laughed out loud at the part on the museum fetish he claims I have. No I don't! OK maybe I do *looks at previous paragraph*

Well OK need to publish this post before 30mins is up, as Germans are known for their precision and punctuality. Will update later when I can.

-2: Nightmare on Jurong West St 92.

2010-06-18T08:07:00.006+08:00

Woke up with a jolt at 5am to tell myself to write. I wrote some, and went back to sleep, and had a nightmare that I woke up again and it was 3:30pm already and I spent half of the day sleeping! Half of the day wasted! And while I was trying to come to terms with that a phone call came in offering me a PhD in Sri Lanka (huh?) and while I was trying to talk to this guy on the phone some kids and a dodgy looking adult were trying to climb into my window (nine floors up) and I had to fight them off but try not to swat them away 'coz the fall would kill them.

Jolted awake again and it's 8am in the morning. Crazy ass dream.

*update*
Something completely ridiculous happened to me. I was putting on my sandals with my office keys in my hand, when I fumbled a little and the keys slipped from my hand. And went straight down into what I call the "rain hole", i.e. a small drain in front of my door that probably leads to a pipe that goes nine floors down with no brakes. My keys went, with my anguished and helpless "FUCKKKKKKKK" following close. What are the odds that my keys fall into a round hole which probably only has a 10cm diameter??

Well at least the loss was clearcut in terms of any possible salvage, so beyond staring at a bottomless hole in disbelief I couldn't do anything, and moved on in 10 seconds. I'll just have to go and report the loss and go through some stupid paperwork and payments to get my keys back again. Bad news is - I have no idea where the general office is as they're renovating the damn office right now. I don't know where to find the person that I need to see. Good news is - I won't be needing the keys for at least two months. Which means I'll have to finish my work by today. Maybe this is some sort of sign.

-3: Holy Shit

2010-06-17T10:30:00.004+08:00

I've never really understood why people say that. How is shit holy? I can understand holy cow, but holy shit? This blog post will be open the whole day and I will be typing in random things that I think of, amidst my frantic writing. I can't believe today's Thursday, tomorrow's Friday, then Saturday comes and I'm flying off! But yea, no time to really put up an insightful post full of witticisms as per my usual writing. Still crazy behind with my work. Still.

---

I'm representing for them gangsters all across the world
Still hitting them corners in them low low's girl
Still taking my time to perfect the beat
And I still got love for the streets, it's the D-R-E

---

Just came back from a meeting with my co-supervisor, my safety net, my life raft, my bungy rope. My pillar of support, my oasis in the desert, my please-don't-leave-me-to-die. He seems ok with my progress although I'm not. He also seems to think that I'll be working on it in Europe although I'm not. But seeing that he's always right, I may be ok, and I'll have to put in some overtime in Europe... preferably Berlin when I'll still be having a roof over my head.

I am taking solace in a video that I saw the other day on Discovery News - this explorer guy said that there is only one essential thing to be an explorer. "Incompetence". Because if everything goes well according to (a good) plan, there would be no adventures or good stories to tell. I will think of his wise words when I am stranded somewhere with no roof over my head or after I am robbed by cute gypsy kids.

I saw my insurance guy yesterday to pay for my travel insurance and it was him who told me about the gypsy kids slashing backpacks and pickpocketing in Europe. "They go for single Asian women who look clumsy and lost," he said. "Erm. Isn't that me?" "Yup." "With a neon sign pointing at the top of my head?" "Yup." I think my insurance guy is honest to the point of being annoying, which is probably a good trait for any insurance guy to have.

---

This is my Island of Stuff, still under construction. I can't afford to procrastinate on packing this time, so I've delineated an area to dump stuff that need to be packed there whenever I remember to. This is incomplete of course, especially the stack of clothes, which I put in just for illustration purposes.

From the top left clockwise, that's my day bag cum cooler (it has this really cool lining that keeps your drinks cool inside), my newly acquired netbook, various chargers and adapters of gadgets, my sleeping bag, my 32 litre Deuter Act Trail, some medication and supplements my mum got me, clothes, toiletries, souvenirs from Malaysia for friends and friends I have yet to make, a folder of important documents, a notebook and my passport. Apart from the day bag and the sleeping bag which my dad and I figured out how to affix outside the pack, everything has to go in.

I'm also bringing this new t-shirt I bought yesterday:

---

When I was doing my last-minute shopping yesterday I saw two cute guys. One was a salesman in a shop selling designer bags made out of recycled things such as seatbelts, fire hoses, candy wrappers and soda can rings. He patiently explained everything to me and was very nice even though I didn't buy anything (or look like I could afford to). The other was when I was buying a book in Borders, and the cute cashier asked me if I needed a plastic bag. He was the only cashier who took the trouble to ask me that for the entire day. I asked him if he asked everybody, or if he just noticed that I had a huge shopping bag with me. He said he asked everybody. I thanked him for that =)

Environmentally conscious guys are hot. Actually no, the researcher in me can't make that causal conclusion - so it's either environmentally conscious guys are hot, or hot guys are environmentally conscious. No actually again - there are many methodological problems - the sample's too small, there's a high researcher bias, so I can't say that either. Fuck - They just are.

---

Shit it's evening already and I've only finished organizing all my references and have been thinking a lot but haven't actually written anything. Jen Hui believes in me. If Jen Hui believes in me I should believe in myself right? Right!!!

---

I was just sending an impulse email to Val and at almost the same instance that I was about to send it, I got his text! Freaky friendship telepathy ftw =D

---

OK I should close this post and get down to writing. Two hours of intense word-smithing, coming up!

-8: Prison Rant

2010-06-12T20:38:00.003+08:00

They're installing Exceedingly Ugly Metal Fences all around NTU. I positively loathe it. The beautiful trees and grass and walkways are lined with fences about eight feet high, with barbed wire on top. It is horrible. Simply italicizing the word horrible can't express the magnitude of it. I first saw it around Graduate Hall, and I thought that it was to keep students out of the military area which is just by our campus. Apparently, red signs every 15metres depicting people being shot wasn't enough.

But like a cancerous tumour, the monstrosity grew. I take the shuttle bus sometimes, and to my horror, the metal fences started to crawl further and further. Away from the residential halls, and slowly towards the academic buildings, like poisonous vines, and I am powerless to stop it. Our campus is starting to look like a prison. Eight feet high metal fences with barbed wire on top. Some areas they are planting creeper plants to mask the hideosity of the cold, metallic sheen of the new prison bars. But most other places it is just the bars. Just like in a zoo.

I wonder if they are going to have security gates for each and every academic building, or else this exercise is completely futile, in terms of trying to restrict access. At least that's what I assume the barbed wires are for. I can only speculate that the security is for the upcoming Youth Olympic Games. My university is hosting the kids. I suppose a prison theme is what Singapore is going for.

And I fervently, fervently hope that after the games, this madness will be reversed and my beautiful campus will return to its former fenceless and green glory. I didn't realize it before, but I have actually grown to like my campus. One thing I miss about staying on campus is jogging at night, and then lying on the dewy grass, breathless, with Coldplay blasting in my ears. Guess what. I can't do that anymore. The fences have separated the walkway and the grass. I'd have to risk severing a limb to do something as simple as lie on a patch of grass alongside a walkway.

Sometimes I really, really hate living in Singapore. This is one of those times. Oh yes it's safe. But only because they cane graffiti artists and keep students behind bars.

-9: 你再说我就hood你!

2010-06-11T11:49:00.006+08:00

So amidst freaking out here's some comic relief. It's how Malaysian Mandarin is spoken differently from Chinese Mandarin. So funny that we do talk like that! For those who don't understand mandarin... you wouldn't get it anyway, sorry =)

中国人：今晚你有空吗？我没空！马来西亚华人：今晚你得不得空？我不得空！

中国人：饼干受潮了…。马来西亚华人：饼干'漏风'了…。

中国人：从上海去苏州要多少个小时？马来西亚华人：从上海去苏州要几粒钟？

中国人：难道他不可以来吗？马来西亚华人：你不给他不来啊？

中国人：周杰伦不喜欢穿内裤。马来西亚华人：周杰伦不喜欢穿底裤。

中国人：我一向都是这样的。马来西亚人：我一路来都是这样的啦

中国人：我的手机掉进沟渠了。马来西亚华人：我的手机掉进龙沟了。

中国人：这样你不是很不值得吗？马来西亚华人：这样你'马'很不 '歹'？

中国人：你真是聪明！马来西亚华人：你真是pan nai！(源自马来语pandai，聪明的意思)

中国人：你安静！马来西亚华人：你diam diam！(源自马来语diam，安静的意思)

中国人：我要去银行取款。马来西亚华人：我要去银行'按钱'。

中国人：为什么？马来西亚华人：做么？

中国人：你很强~马来西亚华人：你很够力~

中国人：明天也叫他一起去吧！马来西亚华人：明天叫'埋'他一起去！

中国人：我很郁闷~~~马来西亚华人：我很'显'（sien）啊~~~~（'显'比郁闷的境界更高）

中国人：你再说我就打你！马来西亚华人：你再说我就hood你！（有点粗俗的）

中国人：你在说什么？马来西亚华人：你在说sommok？

中国人：你不要令我丢脸~。马来西亚华人：你不要'下水'我~

中国人：真被你气到…。马来西亚华人：被你炸到…。

中国人：你别乱来~。马来西亚华人：你表乱乱来~

中国人：你很无聊！马来西亚华人：你很废

中国人：XX你！马来西亚华人：Kanasai（意思是像大便一样，骂人的话）

中国人：迫切。马来西亚华人：bek chek

中国人：我们一起吃这碗面~。马来西亚华人：我们'公司'吃这碗面~（源自马来语的kongsi，就是一起分享的意思）

中国人：今天的天气很热~。马来西亚华人：今天的天气热到。。。。。。。。。。。。。。~~~~~~~（'到'字要拉长，然后没有下文了）

中国人：哇!马来西亚华人：哇捞weh!!!!

中国人：我受不了他！马来西亚华人：我behtahan他！

---
摘自Facebook某个人的notes. 看到下面的人留言，有些说被马来西亚华人的华语程度太差了，可是我觉得这才是我们可爱之处，一个语言到了不同的地方自然就会被当地的文化影响，没什么问题。

看完了更想念在KL的你们了！今天天气热到~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-11: Tan Jun-E, for the win!

2010-06-09T23:02:00.006+08:00

Giving myself a little pep talk over a very inconvenient bout of writer's block.

I make words flow. I write books. I make things work. I have a magic smile. I stop cars with my thumb. I jump off bridges. I save whales. I cook edible food. I pwn leeches.

I witness amazing sunsets. (That's me, the wee speck, witnessing an amazing sunset at Kota Kinabalu.)

I am awesome. I can do it. What is another 10,000 words? I'll write twenty if I have to. Words don't scare me. Words are my friends. Without words there'll be no languages. Without languages there'll be no meaning. Without meaning there'll be no society. Damn. Words are starting to scare me again.

My point is. My point is. What is my point again?

Just finish the goddamn document and then you'll have all the sunrises and sunsets that you want. In ten days' time. Tan Jun-E, ftw!

-12: After the storm.

2010-06-08T00:15:00.004+08:00

Gosh. I just spent half an hour writing an angry blog post and deleted everything in the end. Sometimes I write blog posts or emails with the tentative intention to publish or send them, and half-way through I realize that I don't feel it anymore and the moment has passed, that is when I wipe the slate clean and put my emotions away. It cleanses the toxic atmosphere in my head. The intense expression that is manifested through sharp, violent assaults on the keyboard, the subsequent reading and re-reading through the fiery words that I spewed uncontrollably at the height of my fury, and the final click of the "x" of the window. Goodbye and good riddance. My life is mine and mine to control, and no one can make me feel like crap if I don't let them. And I won't let them.

-15: Sleep deprivation has reached new levels.

2010-06-05T12:08:00.004+08:00

Yesterday Asa, Ying Jian, Woei and I went out. It's a killer combination of characters that make good conversations: the ones over hot chocolate on quaint little cafe tables and candle lighting; the ones amidst blaring speaker voices in a mamak stall with an influx of gay men having their post-clubbing grease intake; the ones that flow in a car on a dimly lit street at wee hours of the morning. Conversations full of hope and disillusionment, the future and the past, angst and joy. Where you can crack jokes that you know noone else would understand. Where tears and laughter happen within three minutes of each other. Where all are tired but none are willing to let go of the moment "when the force is strong".

Asa's awake. I gotta go. I love you guys man. Really.

-16: It's the great I am

2010-06-04T00:03:00.003+08:00

I am home. It's fantastic. My eyes are half open/half closed, depending if you're an optimist, but I will ramble a little bit because I haven't felt so free and unrepressed in a while. Yes I brought some sheets of writing back to collate. And yes I can't be arsed to do it now.

It's great to be back in KL. The last time I was back was during Chinese New Year. Since then I've been hit by wave after wave of work, and if I didn't come back this time, the next time would be three months later, after my Europe trip and the confirmation defense. Asa would already be in Brisbane. I would already be different, as all my long travel stints tend to change me substantially in one way or another. In New Zealand I started hitchhiking. In the States I became a vegetarian. I wonder what Europe would have in store for my ongoing evolution.

Speaking of Europe, Val's going to be there when I go! He quitted Australia and is probably on his way back on a plane right this moment. I got the news when I was in depths of despair with some concepts that refused to work, and I only glanced very absently at the text that came in, from a number that I didn't recognize. The next second I was laughing and waving my cell phone and jumping around in the office and poking Kristy.

It's going to be so awesome, I anticipate a lot of beer-guzzling and German-spotting. (He's German. She's German. That dog's German too. How does he do that??) And we'll see Marten again and reminisce over the good old days, and come up with new running gags, because that's what we do. (But the whales! Think about the whales!)

I've also confirmed a detour from Paris to Strasbourg to see Linda. The train tickets that she booked for me (you get cheaper tickets if you buy from the official site and of course it had to be in French) only cost 55Euros both ways so it's not too bad. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again, and being shown around by a local and staying with her family.

So much about Europe. I haven't had time to plan the actual things to do at all although I know I should. But writing has taken up most of my time, and will continue to occupy me until the 11th hour, I think. The only thing that I really need to do is to plan on how to fit my entire wardrobe for 2 months, my toiletries, my sleeping bag, a netbook (which I have yet to acquire) and miscellaneous stuff (flip flops for example) into my trusty 32litre backpack, under 10kg. That means that every item that goes into the bag has to be essential, and versatile in usage, and I probably can't buy anything on the way. Of course the other option is to post stuff back home whenever my pack gets too crazy full. I've a feeling that I'll use this option at least once, to send my formal clothes back after the conference is done. Speaking of which, I haven't prepared for my presentation! Rats.

Anyway, I should go now, a long day ahead tomorrow to run various errands. I leave you with Sufjan Stevens who's playing a part in keeping me sane in these incredibly stressful times.

Sufjan Stevens: Decatur, Or, Round of Applause for Your Stepmother!

-19 猛將醬猛

2010-06-01T00:38:00.002+08:00

踏入了六月，我的燃眉之急早就變成水深火熱。

昨天淩晨兩點才睡得着，六點半就自己醒來了，
也不累，結果很有興致地炒了個飯儅午餐。
八點到學校，寫寫寫，直到接近十二點晚上才回家。
因爲怕學校鐵柵関掉的關係。據説十二點就會被鎖上。

到現在還不累。
希望腎上腺素用完之後我的老命還會在。

問我寫了多少？不好意思講。
走兩步，退一步是我寫作的寫照。
我的完美主義會殺死我。

我買了車票，星期四會抵達吉隆坡。
這代表我從現在到離開新加坡，只剩下四十八個小時。
如果寫不完現在這個部分的話，
就等於為下個星期埋下地獄伏筆。

今天已經是負十九。
剪掉囘馬來西亞的四天，負十五。
下個星期從吉隆坡回來，會是負十三。
零那天我會在柏林出現。

天保佑愚公可以成功地把山給移走。

-24: Hello World

2010-05-27T14:04:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I wish that you and I would run parallel, in mutual indifference to each other.

I don't want to think about your worldly problems anymore. I don't want to defend you and your little people anymore. Your little people can continue to think that climate change is still debatable. Your little people can spill oil and destroy the little wildlife that you have. Your little people can use all the little plastic bottles and plastic everything that they want. Your little people can trade parts of you in, just for convenience or profit.

And then I realize that it is not you who I find fault with. It is your little people, and their little minds, and their little efforts to make me and my convictions look silly.

Hello world. I am tired but I will continue doing what I think is right.

-25: SAY! HEY!

2010-05-25T23:31:00.003+08:00

I just had a beer and therefore am merrier than a completely sober me would be.

SAY! HEY!*Green Day's Holiday plays in the background*

I've been listening to the soundtrack of the American Idiot, a Broadway musical based on Green Day's songs. I wish I could go watch it. Beats air-drumming and trying to type at the same time - I'm sure I look ridiculous but these days I'm often alone in the office anyway so it doesn't really matter.

Speaking of being alone in the office I came across this site today: Givesmehope.com, and barely one minute into reading the little stories tears started streaming down my cheeks. It's basically bite-sized little stories of compassion, courage and anything that gives people hope. I was just thinking to myself that luckily both my officemates were out today when a prof knocked on the door to look for Kristy. He probably thinks I have a sad life story behind the red nose and wet eyes. I don't. My life's great because I just had a beer.

I'm actually pretty hungry at the moment. It's 12:32am and I am too lazy to cook anything, besides there's this whole issue of me having brushed my teeth already. The barrier to filling my empty stomach is simply too high so I shall keep typing and ignore my rumbling tummy. I just remembered this short story that I read by Haruki Murakami, Tan Ying Jian's favourite author. It's about this couple who got so hungry one night that they decided to rob a bakery. Because they couldn't find a bakery they robbed McDonald's instead and took like 50 Big Macs. It was a good story except for the cows that died.

I have a meeting with my co-supervisor tomorrow. I think that's making me a little edgy. Plus I'm hungry and I just had a beer. That's pretty much the update to my life. Did I mention that I just had a beer?

-29: Gallop of the Dragons

2010-05-22T11:05:00.007+08:00

It's Saturday morning, and although I know I should be poring over literature every waking moment I am not. It's pouring out there, which instantly propels me into a happy mood, especially when I have spent the last 15 minutes playing with Pacman courtesy of Google. If you've been hiding under a rock or in a closet (come out already) for the past 12 hours just go to the Google homepage and you'll know what I'm talking about. I read somewhere that it's going to be up for 48 hours, so go now and get your fix of Pacman-induced adrenaline rush! Click "Insert Coin" and the game starts - click it twice and you get a two-player game with Mrs. Pacman too, controlled with the awsd keys.

Awesome rain, thunder and lightning. I hope it doesn't clear too much for this afternoon's dragonboat training. Speaking of which, I got some pictures on last week's race from Hailey through Facebook and here they are:

The paddles.

The boats lined up pre-race. The race was held at Boat Quay.

This is the British Dragons Team A Women. (I was in Team B.) There are 10 in the team, and as you can see there's a variety of nationalities: Indonesian, British, Chinese (Hong Kong), Singaporean, Dutch... so it isn't exactly a British team. The guy back there is the cox, one of the best paddlers in our team. He's Polish. The guy in front's the drummer, though we usually don't have one when we practise. This boat's shorter than the ones we usually paddle in, which are the 20-person boats like the one below.

I'm not sure if this is the mixed team or the men's team of the Brits, but it's a 20-person boat although there's only 18 paddlers. The pose that they're all holding is when the cox yells "Paddles up!" and they go "Up!" - the next second they will be paddling beautifully in unison.

This is our coach Jason, who used to paddle for the national team I think. He's our very own Kungfu Panda, because he always dresses in a white t-shirt and has a black lifejacket on, and because he constantly wears shades under the sun forming tan lines around his eyes hahaha. His shirt says "Longer, Harder, Deeper" which is kind of a chant that we have, that still manages to inspire sexual innuendos that never get old. Comic relief when you feel like your arms are going to drop off.

Guys bailing out water from a capsized boat. Apparently the 10-person boats capsize pretty easily.

This is the zoom out shot of Boat Quay. Trainings at Kallang River are not as glamorous with the skyline and everything, and this is a really short race track, not even 200metres as they claim. The race track is lined by the little round dots that you see in the distance, the buoys.

The next race that they have is in Putrajaya I think, but because that weekend I'll be jetting off to Europe I won't be able to participate. Oh well. There'll be more races when I get back.

-31: Post Earthquake Volcano Eruption

2010-05-20T15:06:00.003+08:00

Am working accompanied by Jay Chou. When did he stop being epic?

-33: History will repeat itself.

2010-05-18T00:27:00.003+08:00

I was having dinner with Jia Ling today, when it struck me that around this time last year, I was in a similar turmoil caught up with work and travel and on top of that, homelessness. I wasn't under intense pressure as I am right now, because of the tight deadlines and everything, but I was definitely frazzled and stressed. Two months, four countries. Two months, a change of scenery every week from going back to KL, attending a graduate forum in Singapore, backpacking in India, going through a graduate course in Singapore, packing for the States, and five weeks in the States after that hopping from Boston, New York, San Francisco, national parks of the canyons in the west, the Burning Man.

Now it's two months, 10 countries. Somehow the realization of the fact that I pulled last year's epic trip off gives me this sense of accomplishment - I will be able to make this year's trip, and I'll be able to make it as memorable as last year's. I told Jia Ling that Europe doesn't seem real at all, at this point I can't see anything beyond the crazy amount of work that I have, and she told me that I said the exact same words last year pre-US, when she was hosting my homeless ass and I was whining excessively about my life. And that was when I knew that, although I can't see the end now, the end is going to come, and as unreal as it may seem, I am going to Europe. Beautiful cities, fantastic landscapes and nature, awesome people and random experiences.

And the report, stressful and mindfucking as it is, will not stand in my way.

-36: Dragonboat racing!

2010-05-15T23:10:00.002+08:00

Today I had my first race! It's just 200m, nothing serious, but kind of fun. I was in the British Dragons Team B Women (story of how I got into the Brit team: Jia Ling had a friend Michael who was in the team, so one day she brought me along - but after that she got a boyfriend so she was too busy to go, and I ended up going with Michael - and then somehow Michael stopped going and I went alone. True story.) and we raced with another 3 boats for the qualifying round, and we were first! So tomorrow we're going through the semi-finals and then hopefully the finals.

"Can't believe those JC students brought their homework to do here!" said Vithya, one of my fellow paddlers. I then shamefacedly revealed the bunch of literature that I brought there. It was a good thing that I did that though, because most of the time was spent waiting anyway.

We saw some boats capsize (I think there were 3 at least) and there was this funny boat that had this cox (the person who steers) who kept butting into other people's lanes haha. It started off in Lane 2, veered off course into Lane 3, got back on course in Lane 2 and picked up the pace admirably only to veer into Lane 4. All in the space of one minute.

Hopefully we'll be able to bring back some bling tomorrow! Going to write a little now before going to bed. Buona Notte!

-37: Chin up.

2010-05-14T20:44:00.004+08:00

Wish I was hiking somewhere with a bamboo stick

The stress is eating me up. My eyes have not smiled in a while. I am spending an average of 12 hours per day in the office this week. It's Friday night and I turned down a movie date because my time is better spent here staring at my computer trying to iron out concepts and frameworks. Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this and then I remember myself not complaining when I am travelling. I need to remind myself periodically that all of this is self-inflicted. Going home now but I'm bringing back tons of lit to read over the weekend. This is the life man.

*update*
It's raining out there and I'm at home, fresh after a shower, just chilling out in my room =) I think my eyes are smiling now. Love night time rain with a passion!

-39: Break in times of crisis.

2010-05-12T14:38:00.006+08:00

I am quite fucked. I am way behind schedule, I need to churn out A LOT of stuff, I don't even know how much time I've got now (-39 is actually an overestimate because I need to finish it way before then) and I don't actually have a backup plan besides letting the paper write itself - and we all know how that's going to turn out (advice from JK Rowling - never trust anything with a mind of its own).

NERVOUS BREAKDOWN #38342128492.

So what do I do? I happily go on a spending spree buying train and air tickets. I have finished all the connections except one between Verona and St Gallen, and while waiting for the Internet banking statements to register, I estimate a spending of less than SGD1,500 (I think about SGD~~1,300~~ 1,100 would be just about right) which is really not that bad. In the stack of e-tickets that I have are tickets of train (2, incl. a night train couchette yeah!), bus (2), flight (5) and ferry (1) connections. Too much flying, the flying's gotta stop!

Now what's left to do is to figure out how to pack for 2 months with only a 32litre backpack and a small day pack, since I have like 3 flights that I did not pay for check in luggage. After realizing that it costs a bomb to check in luggage (20 Euros each) I decided that it would make more sense to travel very lightly.

Actually - now what's left to do is to figure out how to write the insurmountable number of words with finesse and coherence and still emerge from all this smelling like roses. *deep self-affirming breath* I can do it I can do it I can do it. If I don't all this money will be wasted and THAT IS NOT AN OPTION. I can do it I can do it I can do it.

-40: Somewhere only we know.

2010-05-11T14:19:00.004+08:00

By Keane

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

[break]

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

---

Currently into with this song that I came across randomly. (This version is not as good as the one that I'm listening to in Grooveshark, but I like the black and white pictures.) It's so... heartbreaking.

-42: Sunday Travel Planning

2010-05-09T07:47:00.005+08:00

Sunday morning - I am awake at 7:30am, I have no idea why, because I went to bed around 2am. Technically I can go to dragonboat training, but I suppose it is too late now, plus the time for commuting. So I suppose I shall stick around at home today, and continue my travel planning and sending CS requests, and perhaps even read a bit. It's Sunday man. Although there is still pressure building up I suppose I can afford some rest once in a while. I am trying not to freak out at -42. Tonight I am going for a poetry reading thing with Laura, my CSer from Italy. It is going to be in NTU and is held by a bunch of academics, whose "poetry writing is lesser known" than their academic prowess. It doesn't get nerdier than this.

//11:44am
So I'm doing the planning for Europe. It is rather confusing with all the choices and permutations. I am currently working on the transport connections - on one hand I feel like just getting a rail pass and that would lead us down to figuring out the routes that don't require booking ('coz booking fees apply and I'd like my Eurail pass to cost a nett price instead of all the add-ons), and to figure out what countries I really need to be part of my Select Pass.

I had pretty much decided on getting a rail pass a few weeks back, but today I have been thinking that I actually don't need one. True I would have to figure out every single point to point connection and book it way in advance, which means that I will have less flexibility to deviate from my pre-established route, but then again I don't have so much flexibility anyway because I already have people to meet along the way and it's not like I can just fly off to some random country and spend a few days there. Laura recommended that, but perhaps I will do it the next time I get to Europe when I have less plans. It sounds so fun! Yay for impulse tickets!

But back to the connections. If I don't take a rail pass, the options are blown wide open and I'm then looking at rail, coaches, flights and ferries. If I can I'd like to take a ferry from Tallinn to Stockholm, just for the heck of it. And there are so many different websites to check out, to compare prices, and I have no idea which ones are legit... I mean, can you trust an airline that calls itself Wizz Air? (Insert juvenile joke) I did check if it was trustworthy and the reviews are apparently quite shitty. So should I spend double on another airline that's imaginatively named Smart Wings?

//12:15pm
I just checked Smart Wings' reviews and they seem to be equally crap. Then it led me to check this other airline called Sky Europe, which name I am fine with, just that it filed for bankruptcy last year. A few wiki searches later I ended up looking at Wizz Air's wiki page - and apparently it's rated the "European airline most likely to next go bust". Also it has its own hate site: WizzAirSucks.com (tagline: Miserable Customer Service + Screwed Customers = Wizz Air) I guess they're out. But they were bloody cheap though. The flight that I'm trying to score is Prague to Rome. It seems that Smart Wings is the only way to go, not even Eurolines provides that connection.

//1:22pm
I am contemplating taking off Rome (the sacrilege!) and putting in Vienna instead. For one, I'd probably save on transportation because Rome is kinda out of the way - my original plan was Prague - Rome - Verona/Venice - Zurich. Now if I take away Rome and put in Vienna instead, the connections make more sense: Praha - Vienna - Verona/Venice - Zurich. There's no one in particular that I have to meet in Rome, and Vienna is actually the 6th biggest CS city in the world (the 4th in Europe, after Paris, London and Berlin - all of which I am visiting), which is good for my research... decisions decisions!

//1:36pm
OK recap. The route so far:
Berlin
Prague
Vienna
Verona/Venice/north Italy (Laura - and the Dolomites!)
St Gallen (CS Paella Weekend woot!)
Zurich (possible detour to Strasbourg to find Linda)
Tallinn (Silver + Viljandi Folk Music Festival!)
Stockholm (Because the ferry from Tallinn goes here)
Gothenburg (Marten!)
Hamburg (Val in spirit!)
Paris (Vanessa!)
Ireland - not sure which part yet (Robert + cycling trip!)
London
Berlin

//2:18pm
Am considering taking out Hamburg. Val won't be there anyway, so there's no real point... it might be better to just skip to Paris and meet Vanessa straight away. The more detours I make the more it will cost me.

//3pm
Dates are firmed up, I am starting the connection bookings. So far I have got the flight from Zurich to Tallinn, yes! Next down is ferry from Tallinn to Stockholm, and train from Stockholm to Gothenburg; and flight from Gothenburg to Paris!

//4:28pm
Booked =) There are still many connections to be made but I have to rest for a while. Wouldn't want to book flights when I'm feeling sleepy. Let's see - within an hour I went on a spending spree that made me SGD625.99 poorer, and managed to get:

Zurich - Tallinn (Air Baltic); Tallinn - Stockholm (Tallink Silja ferry); Stockholm - Gothenburg (Swedish railway); Gothenburg - Paris (Air Berlin).

I reckon it's not too bad.

//5:58pm
So before I could take a nap Laura came back and we made an unanimous decision to skip the poetry reading, so we did travel planning instead, for her trip in Malaysia and for my trip in Europe. Quid pro quo ^^ And we found that there's actually a Couchsurfer hosting on Perhentian!!

She's on Skype now with her mum so I am continuing this blog post.

//next morning 10am
I totally forgot to post this blog post. Laura got the Perhentian CSer, she's so lucky =D She set off this morning for her week-long adventure and I'm really glad I'm going to see her again in Italy, because she's such a sweet person and is undergoing a rather similar PhD experience as I am. We had eggplant lasagna and Italian wine yesterday for dinner, and mangosteens, durian and rambutans for dessert.

I have to work really really hard now!! *penuh bersemangat*

-45: Of splinters and engagement rings.

2010-05-06T11:30:00.007+08:00

The past few days I was bothered by something quite trivial - it's one of those things that's like a splinter stuck in your thumb, it's not really life-threatening but annoying nonetheless, and you're unable to pluck it out because you don't have a tweezer. But then life goes on and you eventually forget about it and your body slowly dispels it. Life's too short to fret over ~~cowardly wankers~~ splinters, man.

Yesterday me and my officemates were discussing engagement rings. My contention is - engagement rings are pure waste of resources and have no use whatsoever. I base my argument on three major points:

Engagement rings, those that are worth their salt anyway, cost a fortune.
You already have a wedding band for everyday use as a man repellent.
Assuming that you don't leave the marriage, you won't sell your engagement ring, because of sentimental value and all that shit.

Hence - engagement rings are merely glorified rocks on metal that stay primarily locked up in the safe, serving no particular use, except possibly as a family heirloom - but that's only a bigger and cross-generational version of a useless thing that you have to guard with your life but serves no general purpose.

My officemates think I'm the most unromantic person in the world. But I'm just saying, if you're going to spend thousands on a shiny piece of rock, you might as well give me the money. But now - if my man had mined that piece of rock, or if he had built the ring from scratch - now that would serve some symbolic value other than fueling meaningless consumerism and fulfilling societal expectations. And, if I inherit my mum's wedding band, it would mean much more than the engagement ring, because it will actually have been on her finger for most of her life. Get my point?

Another pointed (yet pointless) rant brought to you by the roving mind of a procrastinating research student. Writing is going alright. I am going to kick this paper's ass.

-46: Money matters.

2010-05-05T16:40:00.003+08:00

LL's birthday wishes to me yesterday suddenly woke me up to the fact that I should probably monitor the currency exchange from now onwards. I'm ashamed to admit that the last time I went to the States I changed the money like a week before I left and had no inkling whatsoever about the currency strength of SGD at that time.

O my frugal Chinese forefathers, I have failed you.

This time I will do a daily monitor on currency graphs. According to XE.com, last October the Euro was at its strongest (relative to SGD), at SGD2.09 per Euro. Right now it appears to be at the weakest so far, since April 2009, at 1.79. In comparison, that's a 15% discount on everything that I buy in Euro! o_O

LL you are truly the beacon of my life, the opener of my eyes.

Skipping dragonboat training today to continue writing. I think I am finally on a roll =)

-47: Birthday.

2010-05-04T00:35:00.003+08:00

I turn 27 today. Wheeee!

-48: Existential Crisis

2010-05-03T02:12:00.004+08:00

2:12am and I'm wide awake.

Sometimes I wonder, if you know that a path leads to a dead end, would you still walk down it? Travelling is about the process and not the destination right? Why worry about the dead end when you can walk down the path, admiring the flowers and the trees and the view of the lake on the way?

Given that the human life is finite and very short and we are most certainly going to die, why do we even bother to live it still? For people living their lives with passion and with joy, with innocence and conviction, they don't worry about stuff like this right? They're too busy living in the moment to worry about what happens after the moment. And if you look at it in a different point of view, it is precisely mortality that should actually fuel us to grab every opportunity to make it count.

So why am I unable to discard my sceptical mind and annoying need to know, and just dive into life as it is, without having to analyze everything that comes along the way? If life, enshrouded in mysterious mist, is more beautiful than life overexposed under harsh lighting, wouldn't it be better to experience it this way? But then - is it true beauty when you can't even see it clearly? But then again, what is beauty? Given that I am the boss of my reality, wouldn't I be the one to define beauty as it is to me?

Perhaps beauty is the simple truth. The simple truth that we are going to die, yes, but there is no use striding up and down a corridor within a house, knowing that the road from the door leads to a dead end, but still, the only way to really know, is to walk down that road. To recognize the futility of trying to lift the mist and still try. To live and love and laugh, all the way down the path, and while the dead end would still present itself as a devastating disappointment, to still have the courage to make that leap.

Is that my answer?

-52:

2010-04-30T00:45:00.004+08:00

=)

---

p/s. this may be the most blatant non-post post ever.

-53: The embodied self.

2010-04-28T23:12:00.003+08:00

I stayed home today and read and slept and read and slept and read again. Sneaked in a Big Bang Theory episode or two (or three T_T). Then I took an hour's commute to Little India, had dragonboat training, and took an hour's commute back.

All in all I'd say it was a fruitful day. My arms are going to be dangling limply by my sides tomorrow, but since I type with my fingers and my arms rested on the desk I should be fine. One should be thankful that dragonboating does not require much finger strength. Wednesday training is at the poolside and there are many more complicated exercises other than paddling movements that exposes the crippling weakness of my abs. Startling revelation. On the bright side I appear to be able to do a semblance of 50 (ok I cheated it was 40) push ups. I do suspect that it was more arm than ab muscle that I was using but perhaps with more practice I might be able to get it right.

I just sneezed and an entire muscle group down my back groaned. Tomorrow will be interesting.

-54: Picture of serenity

2010-04-27T23:53:00.002+08:00

Oh no oh no we're going for -50 and I have mountainloads of work not done yet and we're all going to hit a wall and die an excruciating death! *deep choked breaths*

I couldn't sleep yesterday night resulting in an awfully tired day and I had this meeting with my co-supe which was fine just that it made me realize the amount of work that I still have ahead of me and I really don't know if 54 days is enough actually make that 30 days because I need one month for my supervisors to go through my draft and make corrections and I still have so much to read so much to write so much to delete and write again and then I'll die and be born again out of the flames and make it to Europe. Except that I am not a phoenix and I am not familiar with the mechanics of deconstructing and reconstructing my particles through combustion. Does that mean I'm... just going to die?

Yeah. Just a fleeting glimpse of what it's like to be in my head. I'm going for dragonboat training tomorrow to de-stress and hopefully unclog my running nose.

-55: Tangan gatal.

2010-04-27T00:38:00.002+08:00

You know how it always happens that I declare a hiatus and suddenly become even more prolific in my posting, or I say that I want to stop the daily post thing and still do a daily post? Somehow there's this rebellious me operating within the self that makes me do all these things.

The ticket-booking situation is still in a limbo, I actually booked the tickets, couldn't pay through my debit card, ended up choosing the bank transfer option and changing my mind 'coz my bank charges S$20 extra, then called up the airline try doing the debit card option again and failed, and eventually did an internet transfer omitting my payment reference code. So there's this sum of money that went into the airline account with no link with my booking code. Epic fail. Anyway I called up the airline again to try to make the connection, so hopefully everything will be fine soon. The competence of the call centre girl is dubious but me and Europe will prevail.

In other news, writing seems to be gradually picking up and needless to say I am glad. It is only logical that when you hit rock bottom and have nowhere to go but up. I have a meeting with my co-supervisor tomorrow and we'll bounce ideas. Unfortunately I also discovered today that my school machine loads the Big Bang Theory really quickly, so I broke my resolution and indulged in a few sinful episodes. But I offset that by writing up some research notes when I got home, so it's good.

-56:

2010-04-25T22:43:00.004+08:00

Oh my god there's some kind of carnival going on in a temple a block away and I can hear the whole karaoke and annoying MC with a piercing voice. From 9 floors up TMD. It's almost 11 now and I feel like clubbing people with microphones. By that I actually mean I would like to club anyone who is holding a microphone with a microphone.

I finished my World of Warcraft 10-hour session today. Yes it has awakened the violence in me. Against my will I clubbed peace-loving Plainstriders, and later other increasingly aggressive creatures, and my newfound bloodthirstiness made me kill an innocent prairie dog just because I could. It probably had prairie puppies waiting for food back home. I am a horrible person.

MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. God they can't be serious. The wailing! The melodramatic vibration at the high notes! The ridiculously outdated songs! This is so bad, it is almost surreal. I refuse to believe that there are actually people in the audience, enduring the auditory torture. I mean, how could people not want to kill themselves, if not the people on stage? I just thought of a bad Jewish joke that probably only Val can appreciate. I miss Val. In fact I miss many people. But I can't be sentimental now, with the murderous mood still running in the background.

Hmm. I think the music has stopped. I can be sentimental after all.

OK firstly Asa I got your email... I'm glad about the new developments and all but I'm also pretty sad that you're not going to be in KL anymore... I know I know, it doesn't make a diff because I'm in Singapore anyway but that just makes it even sadder I guess. But at least you'll have LL there with you. And I suppose it's a better career prospect. T_T I will try to make it back before I go to Europe...

And other stuff. Other emails that I want to reply, but I'm never in the right frame of mind to, you know? I'm either depressed about work, or busy with extracurricular activities, or just trying to clear my head. The funny thing is that most of the people that I really want to see, are not in Singapore. I'm tired of all the emails, I want face time man. But I know very well that I am not going to get face time, and slowly but surely, I won't be able to keep up with all my contacts and they will slowly fade away... - isn't that the saddest thing? Like a piece of fine painting that, over time, loses its vivid colour, and all that's left is yesterday's memories and today's awkward silences.

Whoa damn emo. I blame it on the stupid singing. Well at least I blogged a long one today. Need to take a shower and go to bed to prepare for a new day tomorrow.

-57:

2010-04-24T23:15:00.002+08:00

Well the good news is my itchy throat and coughing seem to have eased after dragonboating under the rain again. The bad? I lost my purple water bottle =(

In fact I went on a little adventure to try to find my bottle. After dinner with a new girl on the team, I decided to go on a little expedition of saving my bottle - through riding on the newly opened Circle Line to the Stadium Station, just because someone, in a passing mention, said that it was close to the dragonboating site. Well it was not as close as I thought, so I got lost a little around the new station and wandered around in the dark, made my way back to the station to get more specific directions, and wandered around in the dark some more. Crossed some fields and a highway and finally got back to the dragonboating site, but my bottle was not in the toilet where I thought it would be. Bummer. I just sent a message to the captain hoping that someone picked it up.

Also today I had my first foray into the World of Warcraft, it wasn't half bad but I don't like the part where I have to club animals. Skinny David laughed as he saw me flinch =_=. Tomorrow I am going back to play for about 6 hours I think, to fulfil my role as a research subject. It's actually a pretty sweet way of earning 40 bucks, except that I will have to bring some hot chocolate tomorrow because it's freaking cold in the room.

Let's see... what else? I'm sorry my blogging style has been weird lately, there's just so many ways that you can pretend to blog without actually doing it XD But seriously sometimes it's just too difficult to make words flow. I think I'm approaching the light at the end of the tunnel of not being able to write though. I've been slowly building the outline although I haven't written much, so that when I can, the words will just gush like mountain spring water. And also I think I should probably stop flooding my blog with posts just for the heck of it. So I guess we're looking at the usual one or two posts per week. Counting down will continue but not in consecutive numbers.

Tired but having vague munchies. Hope my water bottle is safe and sound somewhere, I'm off to bed now.

-58: Not a good day.

2010-04-23T15:56:00.003+08:00

Sigh. I've been trying through various means to book the air tickets to Berlin but I have failed multiple times. Either it is the travel agent website saying that the seats are not available, or that there's something wrong with my card (there isn't - I bought a bus ticket online and it worked) or that the airline website going nuts at the last step of payment. Possibly it is the Iceland volcano situation that is causing all this trouble, or perhaps it's just my shitty luck.

Also I've been trying to write. It is not happening and I am increasingly stressed, as I see that the week is closing, and my word count has stopped at a certain number and has not increased ever since. It is horrible. I realize that I always have to go through a certain mental hurdle before I settle down and words flow, but this time it is taking very long and counting down every day is not helping. I will not be writing over the weekend as I'll be over at HSS playing 10 hours of World of Warcraft as a research participant for Skinny David and Patrick. It seems to be fun but I'm really not in a frame of mind to enjoy that.

More time working, less time worrying!

-59: Expression.

2010-04-22T18:00:00.007+08:00

I could run on the grass and create crop circles. I could dance and disrupt the air patterns around me. I could trail my fingers through a pool of calm water. I could bounce on a trampoline, I could pull a trigger, I could kiss passionately. And I wouldn't need words.

-60: Oh yes.

2010-04-21T11:25:00.004+08:00

*directs an orchestra with rhythmic flailing of arms and constipated facial expression*

-61: Hang on little tomato.

2010-04-20T15:54:00.005+08:00

by Pink Martini

The sun has left and forgotten me
It's dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I'm gonna drown
In a sea
Of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I don't know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you're feelin' all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside you and you'll find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it's dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you'll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something's coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to this advice
When change is hard and not so nice
If you listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

-62: The world gone wrong.

2010-04-19T10:18:00.006+08:00

I've been reading the news and there've been so much bad news that it's depressing. I'm not talking about the Malaysian front - I've been much happier since I've given up reading about Malaysian politics. But looking all around, there's the Iceland volcanic ash closing down most airports in Europe (Linda who was supposed to leave on Saturday, has been stranded at my place till today) causing indefinite suspension on everything air-travel related, earthquake in China killing more than 1700 people, political unrest in Thailand paralyzing the local economy and causing bloodshed, plane tragedy killing Polish leaders -

I need to get back to work but I just can't shake off this feeling of gloom, of intense suffering and sadness going on around the world, while I sit at my little desk and bury my head into academic literature, having no direct consequence of making a difference in this mad world.

-63: A Sunday Smile.

2010-04-18T19:39:00.003+08:00

I lie in bed, half awake, listening to Beirut accompanied by rolling thunder in the distance, the lightning piercing through the curtains into the otherwise dark room. My body is heavy after a workout, in a good way. I snuggle deeper under the covers. I ponder the delightful prospect of having a fondue dinner with Linda shortly. I flip open my laptop and type a few lazy lines. I turn it off, and snooze for another 10 minutes.

Life is so good sometimes.

-64: I'm on it.

2010-04-18T00:48:00.004+08:00

My innards are semi-pickled with beer, umeshu and sake. Also my hair is still wet from the shower I just took, at 12:30am. I am sleepy, and I need to wake up tomorrow at 6:50am to make dragonboat training on Sunday at Kallang. Damn bersemangat.

I had an interesting conversation today when a straight guy (self-proclaimed anyway) told me that he regarded the male form as more beautiful aesthetically than the female form. As a self-proclaimed straight girl I actually think that the opposite is true. I mean, to me, the female form has more graceful curves and bents and seems to be more sensual in general. I just assumed that everyone thought the same as me, but when you think about it, so many ancient Greek or Roman sculptures are of men - so maybe people do regard the male form as more artistic. I can't remember the conclusion of our conversation. If I don't remember the conclusion, does it mean that we wasted twenty minutes talking in mute and shooting blanks?

[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] an array of shot blanks

Big mute yawn. Maybe sometime when I'm not in a drunken haze or sleepy stupor I will be able to recall the conclusion. It was probably something very intelligent and memorable. Good night.

-65: Word Pearls.

2010-04-16T14:29:00.003+08:00

I'm farming them in word oysters and painstakingly prying them open one by one and arranging them into lines of meaning.

The words of love, the love of words. Word word word word word. Now it has disintegrated into meaninglessness, words being words just for the sake of being words. Word. I concur, my fellow African American friends.

-66: Dancing with the wall.

2010-04-15T16:43:00.003+08:00

Luis showed me how to balance my body, to swing my hips to adjust my position to free up certain limbs, and to "dance with the wall". It was true. I watched him do it and he did dance with the wall, gracefully, effortlessly, whole-heartedly. It is most fascinating. It's about the balance, the focus, the problem-solving. Sticking as closely to the wall as possible so your centre of gravity is not too far away. Thinking what the next step would be. Envisioning yourself taking the next step, and the next, and the next.

I learnt that I have to trust. The first climb was nerve-wracking, because I was so irrationally afraid that things would go wrong - the rock pieces might fall off, my belayer (person on the other end of the rope) might let go, the rope might not hold me, my feet might not be strong enough, I might have tied the 8 knot wrongly, the other person might not have locked the carabiner.... Man my head's good at being paranoid.

The scariest part was when I was at the top, and I had to let go. Imagine yourself at about 3 storeys high, clinging onto your hand and footholds with dear life, and you had to let go. That's basically trusting your partner with your life. She'd let go of the rope slowly and I would abseil down the wall. My right hand just dug into the handhold and refused to. Finally, after much reasoning and rationalizing with myself, my right hand loosened its death grip, I let out a shriek of terror, fell ten million miles in my imagination and made my way safely down the wall. My palms were soaked when I got down.

Rock climbing is fun. I think I'd do it again. (Another abrupt ending, but I really need to get back to work. I actually wrote this the night that I did the climbing so pardon me for this shabby copy-paste job.)

-67: Unwell.

2010-04-14T20:29:00.003+08:00

I'm having a headache and my body temperature seems a little higher than normal. I hope that I'm not coming down with anything because I really can't afford to. Hosting Linda from France tomorrow and I really want to go for dragonboat training this Saturday and maybe Sunday, since I didn't feel well enough to go today.

Anyway I'm taking a quick shower and zoning out in front of the TV with cut fruits, hopefully I'll be rested and relaxed enough to have a good sleep tonight, and be well and repaired for tomorrow. My mantra for these couple of months will be: "Harden the fuck up!" as they always say during dragonboat training.

-68: Multiphrenia

2010-04-13T15:58:00.005+08:00

Not that I have anything to say but in attempt to keep up a daily countdown, I shall fill you in with the random stuff going on in my life.

Multiphrenia is when you have an over-population of the self, filling in too many roles and obligations, and is Gergen's dismal outlook to the postmodern life. It's not a medical condition, but a societal one. I think I have it. Sometimes my head feels like it is going to explode and yesterday I had only five hours of wakeful sleep. Therefore today I am rather tired, but it is Patrick's last lecture and last tutorial so I am determined to enjoy them to the end. After that I am meeting two Couchsurfers that I met last week during a vegetarian dinner gathering, and we are going rock-climbing together. This will be my first time. I wonder if I'll like it.

Research matters - I am going through some key contentions, over and over again, and I'm not able to find any solution, but I have to because I need to start writing. I have a faint voice in my head reproaching me for not putting more time into my work, what with the evenings of the rest of the week being all occupied with some random matter or another: rock-climbing tonight, tomorrow I am thinking of going for dragonboat training, Thursday and Friday I'm hosting a French girl, Saturday we have a barbecue after dragonboat training, and Sunday I have a dinner appointment. But another voice in my head insists that I have all the time in the world if I plan properly. And yet I am wasting 15 minutes of that time putting in a filler blog post.

Yup. I definitely have multiphrenia.

-69: Estranging our true selves

2010-04-12T14:38:00.004+08:00

This song always puts me in a dreamy state.

I'm reading about the postmodern self, as well as stretching myself intermittently to enjoy the strain on my waist muscles. It's like talking to my body. I ask my waist if it got a workout on Saturday. It responds affirmatively. I grin. I repeat the process. It does not take much to entertain me.

I am going rock climbing tomorrow. I have a slight fear of falling and breaking something and jeopardizing my plans but I am going to be brave.

I wonder if I'll be able to blog every single day counting down. We'll see =)

-70: Towards Zero.

2010-04-11T20:22:00.006+08:00

I actually wrote a really long post, but I just didn't feel it, so I am canning it. I don't know what's wrong with me nowadays but it seems that I have lost my mojo to write. Writing on my blog used to be an enjoyable means of self-expression. Now it just seems to be a chore, with all the words clogged up in my head tumbling out all wrongly. My extensive vocabulary seems to have lost its way in the woods, along with my wit and sense of irony. Everything comes out flat. And this is not the result of too much academic writing, because that is at a virtual standstill too. What is wrong with me??

Anyway, today is the first day of the next 70 days. What's happening after 70 days, you ask. Why, it would be June 20th. And June 20th, jinxes be gone, should be the day when I fly off to Europe, because my conference in Berlin is on the 21st-23rd. I am extremely excited, as you may imagine. But before Berlin, these 70 days will be crazy. Be warned that I will be prone to sob fests and be susceptible to PMS angst to the power of ten. I will stalk around my office like a caged animal and throw my hands towards the heavens demanding why, why, why I'm putting myself through all this stress and Europe probably sucks anyway and I'm going to fail my confirmation report *skiddddddd* TOUCH WOOD.

Anyway. Yeah this is an official account on this blog that I am going to Europe this year. (Yay!!) *resumes serious face* This is also an official announcement that I am going to be good for the following 70 days. I'm going to eat well, sleep well and exercise well, so that my brain remains sharp as a tack to finish my confirmation report two months ahead of the deadline. I'm renouncing the Big Bang Theory for the time being because it fucks up my sleep pattern when I chase one episode after another and google stuff that I don't understand, such as the application of Schrödinger's cat onto should-we-or-should-we-not-date situations. I think I understand it somewhat now but I'm really not sure.

The following months will be exciting. I will be hosting at least 2 CSers despite my crazy schedule. I am going to play 10 hours of World of Warcraft as a research participant. I am organizing a birthday party for myself. I am contemplating the participation of a dragonboat race. I am thinking of going home before I go to Europe. Not to mention I will be constantly refining and adding to my two-month travel itinerary; forming connections between places and with research participants. It will be busy, but exciting, and I need to be focused. There should be ample time for me to work, and play, if I plan it well and not procrastinate or get distracted like I'm prone to.

Alrighty, have some long overdue emails to reply, if you guys are reading my blog rest assured that I am on it. I'm just a really slow writer.

*two minutes later*
Oh yeah had to add this for the record: I think I'm getting the hang of it! Dragonboating I mean. I think my waist muscles are hurting, if that's not my head making things up, and that's a really good sign. And my arms are not hurting as much. Maybe I'll go for Wednesday training this week.

Big Bang Theory

2010-04-07T01:25:00.002+08:00

Up at 1am watching the Big Bang Theory and eating maple syrup flavoured cereal. I'm so gonna die tomorrow, but this is totally worth it =D

2:15am. Good night folks!

My long weekend.

2010-04-05T18:25:00.005+08:00

My head has been all over the place today and my work productivity has suffered, but because of the mellowness spilled over from the weekend, I am not worrying too much about it. I am right now in the office waiting for my insurance guy to come and give me some paperwork, then I can go back and cook noodles for dinner. I'm going to have maggi curry with tomatoes and chinese cabbage and a single egg. It's going to be awesome.

So Singapore sprung a public holiday on me on Friday (Good Friday), so I spent a leisurely day doing laundry and cleaning my hiking shoes with a toothbrush. That's how much I love them. They look brand new now, all ready for my next encounter with nature, which will probably be in Europe =D. In the evening Skinny David and I went to check out a club at Clarke Quay for some local bands. An acquaintance of mine was playing, so I thought I'd check if he was any good. (He wasn't.) But we were compensated by two other bands playing ska punk and I love love love the ska beat! Plus it was a very pleasant evening as David makes great conversation and is quite hopeless at eating melting double scoop ice-cream cones which makes for good entertainment.

Saturday came and I lepaked at home doing nothing in particular until evening, when I met up with Jen Hui and had dinner at Annalakshmi. This is my favourite dinner place in Singapore by far, an Indian restaurant in Chinatown. The concept is that you pay a price that you think is fair. The first couple of times I went, I paid S$10, but Saturday I paid S$15 because I like the place so much. Hanging out with Jen Hui, needless to say, is awesome. It's a feeling that is difficult to describe, maybe it's because we go way back and we're so familiar with each other that I feel completely secure and comfortable with her. And of course, Jen Hui's Jen Hui. It's impossible not to love her. After dinner we went to Esplanade to check out the free music at the waterfront that they have every weekend, but because they were playing extremely loud music that I wasn't really into, we retired into a cafe where we both hot chocolate and tiramisu, and continued our banter.

Sunday was the day that I volunteered with the Really Really Free Market Singapore. I had first read about this initiative on Wikipedia when I was researching gift economy, and I was really surprised when Eli, my CSer from Switzerland told me that she had stumbled upon it in Singapore! (KL has this initiative called Food Not Bombs, and apparently they had the RRFM also, 2 years ago, yeah! I wonder if they're still doing it.) Naturally I had to go, and when I learnt that they were looking for volunteers I jumped at the chance. So I spent about two hours there folding clothes and organizing stuff and smiling at the throngs of foreign workers who came into the market, and it was amazing.

It's such a great feeling to be able to tell people: everything here is free, just take what you want. I gave away my Talentime DVD (it was snapped up within 5 minutes, yay!) and an unopened miniature craft set, which also disappeared in a jiffy. I got a new book, Doing Good Well and an old book Don Quixote that Asa recommended some time ago. Also, after dinner, there was this amazingly cool yoga teacher sharing tips (for free of course - it is the RRFM) and he asked me to learn taichi, haha. Since I'm Chinese and all that. But I learnt a lot about yoga and the spiritual side of it, and I'm going to email him for further information - I feel that we're very much on the same channel and it would be brilliant to have a practising yogi to talk to about spirituality.

Also I got lovely emails, from Canadian CSer Daniel to keep in touch, and also from Silver, and I got my first interview consent from this guy from Switzerland who's organizing the CS Paella Party, which I'm going to this July! Damn happening online too =D Anyway I'm getting hungry, so I'll just leave you with this wonderful picture that Nex sent me today:

Couchsurfer dude! Awesome!

Give me fat, not carbs.

2010-04-05T13:57:00.004+08:00

I discovered yesterday that I instinctively do a double take when people say things that are stupid enough. Behold, a snippet of conversation that made my head jerk in disbelief, betraying the fact that I was eavesdropping (well they were loud!):

"I'm not worried about the fat. I'm more worried about the carbs. Because fat doesn't give you muscles, carbs give you muscles."

I think the lady who uttered it was too busy worrying about carbs to notice my visible wince. Or maybe she was just dim in general.

原來應該用中文。

2010-04-04T01:59:00.007+08:00

爲什麽寫了這麽多篇，結果都是變成永不見天日的草稿？語言能力好像退步了，明明心中是有想要分享的，可是寫了出來總是感覺不對、詞不達意、有心無力。真苦悶。

自從古晉回來后，雖然明白手頭上的工作堆積得像山一樣高，卻沒辦法定下心來好好地整理思緒，雖然知道自己這兩個月並沒有多餘的喘息空間，卻始終踏不出千里之行的第一步。頭腦滿滿的是夏天歐洲之旅，或是一些有的沒的閒事。心裏隱隱感覺到即將來到的暴風雨，可是畢竟還未到燃眉的地步，心想船到橋梁自然直，死到臨頭總是會發出神力，超人救世！耶！所以說自作孽，不可活啊。

這幾天都過著悠閒寫意的生活。偶爾去市區聼聼音樂，在克拉瑪頭的橋上觀察熙來攘往的人群，和知己好友在咖啡店裏廢話連篇，在家裏用牙刷仔細地把戰靴上的泥土刷走。我想，在新加坡這片心靈貧瘠的土壤，其實考驗的更是自個兒的内心。心中呈現喜悅的時候，周圍環境不管多無聊和無趣，我都還是笑臉迎人，融化別人臉上的冰霜。心中感覺一片安寧的時候，繁華的鬧市也沒辦法擾亂我内心的平靜如水。反之，只要心裏一亂，一切都變成加倍討厭和不順心。他媽的廣播煩不煩啊。笑一笑會死啊。死人群。干。

新加坡真的是絕佳的修煉場所啊。沒有令人心曠神怡的自然景觀，沒有讓人驚喜的生活小插曲，沒有家人朋友的知心陪伴，靠的就是自己心靜自然涼。逐漸，我發現，在這城市冷漠和機械化的表層底下，其實也有一些非主流的活動在等待共振。微弱的脈搏，在細心留意之下，越響越大聲，原來他還沒死。

儅發現生活還是可以很精彩的時候，灰色的絕望裂開來，透出一絲的光。尋尋覓覓雖然漫長，定下的心卻沿路欣賞風景，得到的就感恩，得不到的就算是無緣，下回請早。

就像臺上高歌的樂團，讓人感動的總是沉浸在藝術與創作而渾然忘我的表演，發自内心的力量才會感染到台下的觀衆，引起大家不由自主的尖叫與狂舞。這就是對生命的熱忱啊，誰管別人怎麽想，這是我的人生，我的藝術，我的旅程。

我無悔。

I'm not drunk, I just walk funny.

2010-03-28T01:06:00.004+08:00

I'm not blogging, I'm just typing in a text area.

My eyes are heavy but I need to type. I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to someone who would understand what I'm thinking, what I'm saying, what I'm doing. I'm sure there is someone out there. I am interesting. I won't bore you. Can I talk to you?

It is amazing what kind of situations your brain sometimes lead you to. In moments of clarity - or moments of drunkenness, take your extreme pick, it suddenly dawns onto you that it is you who is creating all the mess in your head. The chorus of generalized others, all saying things to you, trying to sway your opinion, trying to tell you what's good for you. Well shut the fuck up my head. Just shut the fuck up.

If you think about it things could be so easy. You could take a plunge. You could take a time machine, from twenty years later, back to the present, when you would actually do stuff that you're deathly afraid of, so that you wouldn't regret it twenty years later. Isn't that the most intriguing idea? To live in the present, by imagining that you are travelling back to the past, from the future? Do you understand what I mean?

I'm not sleepy, I'm just resting my eyes.

//Second morning. I actually fell asleep right after I typed the above line.

Val's not a good influence for me I'm afraid. For most of his stay in Singapore he was down with diarrhoea and upon recovery two days ago we have already got drunk twice. Gone are the days when he would decline alcohol (Marten: If I had a beer on me right now, would you take it? Val: No! - well, not anymore).

We spent the day yesterday in Little India, first having Indian food and then hanging out at Post Museum, which has fast become one of my favourite hangouts in Singapore. It's a vegetarian cafe and the people there are super friendly. It's one of the few places in Singapore, where you can sit down and talk to random people. That you can actually feel that people going to the place are human, not humanoids. They're hosting the Really Really Free Market next weekend (where goods and services are offered for free, bring your stuff to give away if you want) and I'm volunteering there.

So Val and I hung out for like 5 hours there, plotting my Europe route. It is definitely shaping up, just that I need to smoothen things out in uni. Once everything is settled I can buy my tickets and my Epic Trip of The Year would be sorted out. Val drew a map of Europe on the back of some newspapers (which is distributed in the Post Museum, called "Good Paper" and it only reports good news. Sweet as.), and we started fantasizing about the things that I'll be doing there.

Day trip from Hamburg to Sylt, one of Val's favourite places in Germany. Going to the Isle of Arran, that a drunken Scottish teacher in a pub in New Zealand had repeatedly mentioned that I have to. (Remember the Isle of Arrrran!!) Hiking in Switzerland. Meeting Silver in Estonia and checking out the Viljandi Folk Music Festival. Taking a train from Rome to Switzerland along a scenic route. Taking the train that goes under the sea from Paris to London. Hanging out with Marten in Gothenburg, and Robert in either Holland or Ireland, depending on where he'll be. Prague, Krakow, Riga. And then some.

Not in that order. And we have no idea if our route is feasible, budget-wise. But still -

*grins in an idiotic fashion*

Well, the floor is open to any of you who want to recommend a must-see place anywhere in Europe, anywhere you like, from the touristy to the obscure. I enjoy culture and nature so this trip will probably be a combination of both.

I'm going to take a nap now and wake up at 10am, our stipulated weekend wake up time, upon which we'll agree on some random activity and end up whiling our time away in a cafe and drinking beer on some padang. Star-gazing on top of the ADM building at night optional.

Anywhere but the eye of the storm.

2010-03-26T16:45:00.002+08:00

I figure anytime now I will stop being so hyped up about MY PAPER BEING ACCEPTED FOR THE CONFERENCE AT BERLIN and start functioning like a normal human being again?

2010-03-23T15:10:00.003+08:00

I close my eyes and leap into the air, landing in a sea of warm salty water, clear and shimmery with colourful shells on the seabed- I am solitary, my heart is filled with joy and freedom, I fling my arms backwards and create a lovely splash. I laugh. I whoop. I laugh again.

I am happy.

I open my eyes.

I am still happy.

Direction, direction!

2010-03-22T09:41:00.005+08:00

I need a director in my life. Someone who would say, Camera! And I would roll, from 9am to 6pm, to do what I need to do to get ahead in life, and then when he yells Cut! I will shed my act and go home and cook dinner.

I have tons to do, that's no doubt. The problem is just - where to start? I could get stoned on my Social Psych PhD readings - six fat chapters and I'm just eyeing them in trepidation because I know I'd never be able to finish it by Friday, though that's not gonna stop me from trying. A simpler undergrad level bunch of readings for tomorrow's class, which I'll probably be able to finish in a couple of hours. And of course there's my own research sitting there and I have this stuff on social capital that I need to read up, before meeting my supervisors and getting grilled.

Kuching was good, apart from the fact that I was constantly bitten by a variety of bugs and mosquitoes. We did some pretty cool treks and I foresee myself going back to Bako National Park to do some more. Val and Jia Ling got along great though there was a communication gap, but I'm glad they appear to like each other - Jia Ling got her education on German insults and Val got to impart his German insults. All were happy. I may or may not post pictures from Kuching later. I've got a kickass sunset photo.

Oh Val's in Singapore now camping in my living room. He told me not to blog because then we'd be left with nothing to talk about tonight - but I think it's highly impossible because we seem to be able to talk about all kinds of crap, failing which he'll just teach me random words and phrases to say in German. I don't know the spelling but after a week in Kuching I can now ask any German-speaking person if they have hair on their teeth. It's a German proverb, if someone has hair on their teeth, it means that they are very tough. If the answer's no, I can also say in German - harden the fuck up, man! Jia Ling and I can also have a constipated-related conversation in German. Verstopfung ist nicht gut. Ja genau!

It's amazing how we just fell right back into place after a year and a half of not seeing each other. I'm glad =) Anyway, I should start reading now. Later!

*later*
Fuck. Realized today's date and it's actually a date that means something and I am suddenly very, very nervous. *swallows* *swallows* *swallows*

My backpack and I are off again!

2010-03-14T10:02:00.003+08:00

Check out the Jalur Gemilang! =D

This time for a week. May or may not update on the road. Wheeeee!!!!

El Caminito del Rey

2010-03-12T17:14:00.003+08:00

I watched this and my palms sweated the whole time. Try watching it full screen. Scared the crap out of me - that people would actually do such a precarious route. I mean check out the path that was pretty much crumbling. And this guy is holding a camera in his hand while he's doing this. *Respect*

Shoes = No Shoes

2010-03-12T09:29:00.005+08:00

So I bought my hiking shoes yesterday, from Timberland. Good stuff, waterproof and all, and half off.

This morning I decided to break in the shoes, so I wore them to office. I'm in the office now. The back of my ankle is already blistered, and a piece of skin just fell off. OK I was being dramatic, a piece of skin is still dangling by a thread to the motherskin. I am looking at my ankle in disbelief and I realize that by the time I get up to Mount Santubong you'd probably be able to see the bone.

The good news is, my mum had this problem with her hiking shoes before, and apparently the shoe bite can be easily rectified by buying thicker socks, which I obviously have to. The bad news is, it's 9:36am in the morning and I have a whole day in front of me, including going out tonight, and there's no way I'll be able to wear my shoes the whole day. My wise dad once said that I should never wait till I have blisters to wear thick socks. Actually he said that yesterday. Crazy prophetic skills.

Anyway, I can't wear the shoes. I have class at 11am and I have loads of other errands to run such as getting money from ATM, buying a thumbdrive, paying my phone bill and etc. That's a lot of walking to do. I can't wear the shoes before I get said thick socks. There is only one solution - I'll have to go barefoot today. (And I'm secretly gleeful about that.) I'm actually quite decently dressed up today, because I'm going to Clarke Quay to celebrate Jen Hui's birthday

*SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JEN HUI*

but I have on long jeans that will hide my shoe-less situation quite well. I'll just have to be extra careful with crazy stilettos out to get me. Hopefully I'll have time to go home before going out, to change into comfortable shoes.

In other news, my Canadian CSer Tony sent me a gift from Canada, it's a book, by Haruki Murakami. I'm happy =) I also had a great time picking out Jen Hui's gift yesterday evening, and I need to send out Kasia's package in time for her to get it before she leaves to Turkey ('coz it'll be too late if I send it after I get back from Kuching). It's the season of giving! And I get to not wear shoes today, yay!

Mead will be the death of me.

2010-03-10T20:22:00.007+08:00

I ingested 50 pages of George Herbert Mead's Mind, Self and Society today and was totally numbed by the end of the day. If anyone's interested to know I still have 150 pages to go. I don't think I'll be able to make it by Friday. I'll just have to fake it. The problem is, Friday's class has a student population of 2. I. Am. So. Screwed.

Being completely numbed I walked home at a very slow pace tonight. While my mind wandered as my feet trudged along, I reflected on how amazingly predictable life is, given that it is so easy for anyone to act unpredictably. While jaywalking I could have just stopped right in the middle of the road, turned around and faced the traffic. It could have meant my death and life-long trauma for the bus driver. Why does no one do that? It's so easy. Just walk, turn around, and stare at the headlights.

I am not suicidal. I just harbour strange thoughts sometimes.

I reached home and slumped on the couch. Turned on the TV and stared at it with my glassy eyes. Slowly life trickled back and I could feel again.

That's not gonna last though. After watching Glee I'll have to go back to reading. You know I enjoy reading. I enjoy learning. I love being offered a slice of what it's like being in the head of a genius. I just wish I wasn't always so last minute about my reading and that he didn't speak funny. Let me show you a small paragraph of what I am supposed to digest and I still can't fully grasp it, even after reading through more than five times.

"Gestures become significant symbols when they implicitly arouse in an individual making them the same responses which they explicitly arouse, or are supposed to arouse, in other individuals, the individuals to whom they are addressed; and in all conversations of gestures within the social process, whether external (between different individuals) or internal (between a given individual and himself), the individual's consciousness of the content and flow of meaning involved depends on his thus taking the attitude of the other toward his own gestures. In this way every gesture comes within a given social group or community to stand for a particular act or response, namely, the act or response which it calls forth explicitly in the individual to whom it is addressed, and implicitly in the individual who makes it; and this particular act or response for which it stands is its meaning as a significant symbol."

Notice that there are only two periods in the entire paragraph of 147 words. And then, after about 3 pages, he starts to take back what he just said. I think. I mean I'm not even sure if that was what he meant. Did he take it back, or did he modify the concept, or did he order beer in German?

Deep intake of air is necessary at this moment.

I just realized that I don't understand the material. And I don't have time for this. This is only a class that I'm auditing. I have to continue writing my lit review for the confirmation report which is supposed to be my highest priority at the moment. I have to get a pair of new hiking shoes tomorrow after I completely thrashed mine at the Black Rock Desert. I have some other errands to run by the end of the week. I am leaving on Sunday to Kuching. I'm really looking forward to it, to Val, but I -

Sigh. I have to go now.

Dead drafts.

2010-03-07T08:22:00.005+08:00

I've got stuff to say but they keep jumbling themselves up, getting tangled in different strains of thought, that I have had to delete multiple paragraphs and start over. So although you are reading this in the first paragraph, try imagining like ten invisible paragraphs on top of each other, buried in layers, and this is the fortunate top layer that gets to stay.

Not unlike the cemetery that I went to in Boston where the tour guide was explaining to people that people used to point out the plot that they wanted to be buried at, which is fine, except that it was someone else's plot. What they did was just crush the bones of the previous dead person and bury the new dead person on top. Apparently it was a thriving business (at about $8-$12 a plot) back then until it got banned. Every grave had 2-12 dead people in it. I bet they're having a party down there with all the mangled bones.

Rest in peace my dead drafts.

See, that's the problem. I start thinking of something and it gets led onto some totally different tangent and there is not really a point to what I'm writing. Perhaps I'm just purging the contents and mess in my brain. The same mess in my brain that caused me to think that Val was coming yesterday, resulting in my whole family in KL anticipating his arrival because he's spending a night in KL before going to Phnom Penh before meeting me and Jia Ling in Kuching, but of course he didn't call because he is arriving tomorrow. Sucks to screw up so royally. But I'm glad I mixed up instead of him missing his flight, for example.

Too many things to think about. Of course mostly I'm thinking about my research, because I don't have a choice, but I shall not dwell on that because it is boring. To you anyway. Actually to me too because the same ideas circle my head, I don't know why, maybe because subconsciously I'm terrified if I would lose the fruit of my thoughts. I have pages of notes where I write about virtually the same thing to refresh and make sense of the ideas.

Dragonboating. On how I should train more extensively to really master it because I want to know that I am doing it the right way. I'm thinking of going for Wednesday trainings, maybe after March, because it's more intensive training which would be useful for building stamina, muscle and technique. Sure it would involve a lot of pain but what is new. And it looks like that's the only way to get better, which is something that I want. David Blaine didn't get to break the longest held breath record (17mins) by installing a pipe in his lungs. (He tried but it didn't work.) He did it through perseverance and trying all means possible, and lots of training and mental strength. (TED)

And that applies to so many different areas of my life. Travel for instance.

Erm. I just realized that there are not too many areas of my life. Research, dragonboating, travelling. But I'm pouring myself whole-heartedly into them. I like my life because I try putting only the good bits in it. It's not that it doesn't have bad bits. But usually if you make an effort and be less scared, you are able to put big chunks of good bits in to outweigh the bad bits.

A visualization if you need one:
11111110101111111111110011111101110111111111

I'm going to the museum today to look at ancient Egyptian dead bodies. And later a free concert in the botanical gardens. Today's gonna be a good day! Shall go get breakfast for necessary nutrients for mummy-gazing.

Practical wisdom.

2010-03-05T14:46:00.003+08:00

Inspiring. I love TED.com.

I was in an awful temper about some bureaucratic banking stuff that I had to do, wore myself out and took a nap, and watched this upon waking up.

Now I am much calmer and can continue to work. And work I shall =)

*Tip: If you are secretly watching this at work, you can turn on the subtitles and turn off the volume ;)

Brain

2010-03-01T09:14:00.004+08:00

I've got a lovely day laid out in front of me, with no distractions or other work to do, just to focus on my reading and writing!

But first I want to share with you the fascinating stuff I saw on TV yesterday. I was watching this show on Discovery Channel, called The Human Body: Pushing the Limits. It was an episode on the brain. Now I know why I wake up with my scalp quite drenched with sweat when I wake up from a nap (usually I collapse right on my work desk). I mean, when you think about it, the room is airconditioned. I obviously didn't do anything strenuous. I pondered about this question before and was thinking along the lines of hibernation - but then I discovered hibernation actually lowers your body temperature (thus containing it) instead of increasing it.

So why do I generate so much heat when I sleep? Apparently, according to Discovery Channel, when you sleep your brain works twice as hard. While the rest of your body is paralyzed, your brain works on maintaining various parts of the body, diagnosing and fixing problems. And when the brain works hard, it generates heat, like a computer. It is very important for the brain to keep itself cooled, because about 50 minutes of brain overheat will kill you. So it uses blood as cooling agent (like in a car engine) and you perspire, the evaporation of sweat cools you down.

So if you go without sleep for a few days, the brain tries to shut you down, so that it can do its maintenance job. The part of your brain that processes logic is shut down, so you experience hallucinations. One Swiss girl who was CSing at my place apparently had that. She suffered so badly from jetlag while travelling from Switzerland to Australia, that she couldn't sleep for five days straight. She described the experience as totally horrible, as she was crying and talking to different parts of her body. When she finally could sleep she was knocked out for several hours.

When you have dreams, some say that it is the brain doing its filing, keeping information that's important and deleting stuff that are not. Apparently it is the most effective to study before sleeping (so that the filing gets done right after) instead of cramming the whole night through. Also the logic part of the brain is shut down so you experience totally crazy stuff while dreaming. There's this eye mask thing that you can wear, that senses your rapid eye movement, when you are dreaming most vividly. Then it shines a light that penetrates your eyelids, so that you can see it while you are dreaming, and that's a sign that you're in a dream state - and when you realize that you are dreaming, you can then control it! Also known as lucid dreams.

Many people attempt to fly when they have lucid dreams. Silver walks around his dreams telling people that they are only figments of his imagination. He also looks for his dream guide, someone wise that he can chat with in his dream. I usually don't do anything much when I realize that I am in a dream. I shrug, and proceed with my dream. If it's a bad one I will just tell myself that none of this is going to matter because I am going to wake up soon. When I last talked to Silver I did have a lucid dream that very night. Feeling that I should probably do something, I looked at the sign board beside me, peeled off the letters and arranged them differently. I am such an unambitious lucid dreamer.

Anyway. Right after the programme when I was going to turn off the TV I was again hooked by what came next, i.e. Human Cloning. Another hour of being breathlessly glued to the TV. Human cloning is probably inevitable. It has not been successful yet (I don't know when the documentary was filmed, the last date mentioned was around 2005 I think), but the technology is there. I am disturbed yet very fascinated.

OK I need to work now. Good week ahead, y'all!